Another Scottish Tragedy [LAMS AU]

27

A/N: In this chapter John's father was described as having blond hair because historical John and Henry were blond.

“So, we're doing this?”

“HELL YEAH WE'RE DOING THIS!”

Hercules and Lafayette were sitting in Hercules’ car, ready to commence operation Save The Turtle.

“I feel like such a badass.” Lafayette said. “Like when Lin, Oak, and Daveed stole cannons from the Redcoats.”

“BRAHP!”

They were both dressed in all black because according to Hercules’ Google search of “How to be a Badass”, black was the most badass color. Lafayette had to admit, seeing his boyfriend dressed in tight black clothing kind of turned him on.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

“What?”

“Screaming ‘BRAHP?’”

“Because it's fun.” Hercules said, smiling like an angel.

“I cannot argue with that logic, mon amor.”

“So, what's the plan?” Herc asked.

“I knock on his parents’ door and try to sell them something. While they're distracted, you sneak around the back, pick the lock on the back door, go to John's room, get the turtle, and sneak out.”

“Why do you get to do the distracting?”

“Because people love listening to my accent.” Lafayette said with a wink.

Hercules leaned over and kissed Lafayette, pulling the Frechman into his lap and reaching up to touch his beautiful curly hair.

“You look really good in black.” Hercules said, grinning that adorably goofy grin that he did whenever he was flustered.

Lafayette packed his boyfriend on the lips and slid off of his lap, pulling his hair back into a ponytail and licking his lips.

“Remember, the codeword is Rochambeau.”

“Rochambeau.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, let's go!”

Lafayette stepped out of the car and walked up to the front door of the Laurens’ house.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

A tall man with curly blond hair opened the door, looking annoyed at having his Sunday afternoon activities interrupted by this visitor.

“Hello, sir. Can I interest you in a bottle of cold champagne?” Lafayette said, holding up the bottle with a charming “I'm not here to steal the turtle that your gay son left here when your stupid homophobic ass kicked him out of the house” grin.

“Cold champagne?” Mr. Laurens looked puzzled. Lafayette did not look old enough to be selling alcoholic drinks.

“This isn't just any champagne. It is Rochambeau Champagne, the finest Champagne in all of France.” Lafayette said “Rochambeau” extra loudly, hoping that Hercules would hear the signal.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hercules’ silhouette making his way to the back door.

“What makes this Rochambeau champagne better than other champagne?” Mr. Laurens turned his head and called over his shoulder to his wife. “Hey, honey, come out here. This kid's trying to tell us about some magical champagne.”

A woman appeared next to her husband: John's mother. Perfect. Now the house was empty and Hercules was free to get the turtle.

“This champagne is left over from the American Revolution. Daveed Diggs, America's favorite fightin’ Frenchman, who came all the way from France to help America win its independence, brought it over for them to drink in celebration when they won!” Lafayette was pretty much just pulling things out of his ass at this point. It didn't need to make sense, it just needed to keep the Laurens’ attention long enough for Hercules to get the turtle.

“He only brought three bottles of this over from France.” Lafayette continued. “The soldiers drank two of them. One was stolen, and everyone had thought it to be lost forever. But by some miracle it was discovered in the woods of South Carolina over two centuries later.”

“So you're telling me that you have a 200 year old bottle of magical Champagne from the American Revolution, and you're just walking around trying to sell it door-to-door like Girl Scout cookies?” Mr. Laurens said, incredulous.

“Yes, indeed.” Lafayette said, still smiling.

Hercules please get the damn turtle already I don't wanna do this anymore.

“How much is it?” Mrs. Laurens asked, who seemed much less skeptical than her husband.

“One hundred dollars.” Lafayette said.

The Laurenses exchanged a look. Out of the corner of his eye, Lafayette saw Hercules making his way back to the car with the turtle's tank in his arms.

Perfect.

“Of course, the price is open to negotiation.”

“I think we'll pass, thank you.” Mr. Laurens said.

“Okay, bon soir!” Lafayette said, taking the champagne and walking back to his car.

Hercules was sitting in the passenger seat with the turtles tank in his lap.

“WE DID IT!” They both yelled as they threw their arms around each other in glee.

“WE WON!”

Hercules reached into the tank and picked up the turtle, gently stroking the back of its head.

“It’s okay, little guy. We'll return you to your owner soon.”

Lafayette's heart swelled with love for the boy sitting next to him. He may act all tough and badass, but Lafayette knew that deep down he was an enormous softie.

“He's so precious.” Lafayette said, gently rubbing the turtle's shell.

“I can see why John loves him.” Hercules said, his dark eyes shining with wonder.

Gosh, he was so cute.

Lafayette took out his phone and texted John.

Baguette: We got your turtle.

Gay Turtle Boy: YAY!! IS HE OKAY?

Baguette: Yeah, he's alright. He just misses you.

Gay Turtle Boy: I can't wait to see him again.

Baguette: We'll give him to you the second we get back to school

Gay Turtle Boy: I can’t thank you enough. I love you guys.

Baguette: We love you too, John.