Another Scottish Tragedy [LAMS AU]

18

A/N: My wattpad glitches so much I can barely type ugh

"So, when do we get to meet this boyfriend of yours, Laurens?" Lafayette asked as he and John walked to class after dropping Hercules off at the design building.

"I don't know." John said. "I don't even know when I'm going to meet him. It's not like I can just take a casual day trip from South Carolina to New York City."

"Hopefully Hercules won't go full-on dad-mode and interrogate him."

"Honestly, that'd be hilarious."

"I like the way he's just adopted you as his son because your real dad is a homophobic piece of shit." Lafayette sighed.

"Sometimes I feel guilty." John said. "For keeping this secret from him. But at the same time I know he won't love me anymore if he knows. But then sometimes I think that I'd rather have him hate me for who I am than love me for who I'm not."

"I understand."

"I was planning to tell them before I left for college but even though I'm 18 I'm basically still a child and if they disowned me I'd have nowhere to go because I have no job and no money."

"Plus Christmas dinner would be very awkward."

John gasped. He had an idea.

"Christmas! That's perfect! I'll have enough time to drive up to New York and visit Alex!"

"Awww that will be so cute!!" Lafayette was jumping up and down in joy. A habit he'd picked up from Hercules. "Can Herc and I come too? I've always wanted to see New York. Herc's family is from New York so he'll be going there anyway."

"What time is it? ROADTRIP TIME!!!"

"We can see the Empire State Building and the huge Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and see how all the rich people live!"

"We can walk through the rich neighborhoods and pretend to be fancy! And they'll believe us because you have a French accent and French accents sound fancy!"

John wanted to talk to Alex about wanting to visit him in New York during Christmas break, but he was afraid that Alex would think he was moving their relationship too fast. They hadn't been dating for very long and he didn't want to scare him, but at the same time the thought of meeting Alex filled him with so much excitement he couldn't control himself.  

John_Laurens: Hey, Alex, can I talk to you about something? It's gonna sound crazy but hear me out. 

AnotherScottishTragedy: Sure, go ahead. And don't worry about sounding crazy. Sounding crazy is my specialty. 

John_Laurens: So my friend was mocking me about when he was finally going to get to my boyfriend and we were just talking about going to visit you in New York during Christmas break and then we just stopped joking and realized that going to see you in New York would be fantastic but I was scared to tell you cuz we haven't been dating for very long and I don't want to scare you away but the thought of going to visit you makes me so excited I can't control myself. 

AnotherScottishTragedy: Awww you're so fucking adorable. But yeah, that sounds great. I'd love to show you around the city. You know what I say about Manhattan :) 

John_Laurens: It's the greatest city in the world :) 

AnotherScottishTragedy: Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now

John_Laurens: I'm so lucky to be alive right now cuz it means I get to be alive at the same time as you :)

AnotherScottishTragedy: When you come up to NYC I'm gonna make it the best experience of your life! Maybe it'll snow and we can throw snowballs at people!

John_Laurens: How romantic :)

AnotherScottishTragedy: Violence is romantic

AnotherScottishTragedy: That sounds really bad oh shit

AnotherScottishTragedy: I mean throwing snowballs I promise I'm not into that shit

AnotherScottishTragedy: Unless you're into that 

AnotherScottishTragedy: I'll stop talking now

John_Laurens: I love you so much

AnotherScottishTragedy: I can't wait till Christmas. I can't wait to see your beautiful face in person. 

John_Laurens: **looks in mirror** if you want to see a beautiful face you're gonna have to wait a lot longer than till Christmas, buddy

AnotherScottishTragedy: Awwww. You're beautiful, John :)

John_Laurens: Putting aside my concerning lack of self-esteem, do you mind if some of my friends come to visit too? They really want to meet you. Warning Hercules might interrogate you and possibly kick your ass. And there's a possibility Lafayette might try to take a bite of you. 

AnotherScottishTragedy: That'd be lovely. But don't worry, John. No matter who tries to take a bite of me, I'll always love you. My love for you is never in doubt, my dearest, Laurens. 

That night, John received a phone call from his parents.

John's parents liked to call him every now and then just to make sure he was alright, being as he was living away from home and all. He enjoyed talking to his parents, but he felt guilty every time he talked to them. Because that if they knew who he really was, if they knew that he was gay, they wouldn't want to call him their son.

"Johnny, how are you?" John's dad asked. "How have you been?"

"I'm alright." John said. "Very tired. Lots of work."

"Awww, I do hope work isn't all your doing. I hope you're taking time to have some fun. College is supposed to be fun, after all."

"Don't worry. I'm having fun. I went to a party last week. A bunch of annoying frat boys showed up so it wasn't very fun, but it's the thought that counts."

"So, Johnny, meet any girls yet?"

John's stomach churned, a terrible discomfort and an overwhelming feeling of guilt and wrongness washing over him, powerful enough to make his vision blur.

"I don't have time for love, dad. I'm studying."

Actually I have plenty of time for love but the person I love is a dude and I can't tell you about him cuz you're a homophobe.

"I'm proud of you, John. I really am. You're growing up to be a wonderful young man. I know you're dedicated to your studies, but remember to make some time for yourself every once in  a while."

"I love you, dad."

"I love you too, Johnny."

As John hung up, he stared dejectedly up at the ceiling. He felt guilty. Felt guilty for keeping this secret from his father, for constantly having to put on a mask and pretend to be the son his father wanted.

Sometimes he wondered what would happen if he told him.

Then he decided that he would rather never find out.