A Flower in the Wind

This Was Anguish

You see

I wonder sometimes

What you were thinking when you met me

Because sometimes

It seemed like

you had this all planned out.

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The last time we were together

that last time I thought you loved me

I took a picture of us.

I remember looking at your eyes

the eyes I fell so painfully in love with,

the eyes that still haunt me now,

were void of love.

And that's when my heart broke.

Not when you cheated on me

No, my heart broke when I had to find out with a picture.

On accident.

That you didn't love me anymore.

~It's been 3 years and I'm still not over you

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Your eyes were like the glaciers in Alaska

cold and beautifully blue

Your hair like the spicy hot chocolate at our favorite place

Rich brown with a hint of ginger

Your lips a pale pink

but there's nothing I can compare those lips of yours to.

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You always had this special way

of holding me

a way so special that I could be away from you for months

but the minute we lay down together

I'm right there... in what I thought was my spot

but I guess I was just another passer by

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You always said everyone loved you

I never knew you meant my best friends.

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I think we were too much alike

We wanted to control the other

to make them better

but neither of us were ready for that

and you know what they say about fixing someone.

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Once 

I forgot the color of your eyes

And I was so upset

that I cried and texted everyone that knew you

to tell me what color your eyes were

and when I found out

I carved the word blue into my skin

so I would never forget again

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You used to read me Winnie the Pooh

till I fell asleep

on nights I was too afraid to close my eyes

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I just want you to know

that I will never stop loving you.

No matter how much you hurt me,

no matter how many times you leave me,

no matter who I love after you.

Nothing will ever compare to the love we had.

~The good, the bad, the ugly, the truth

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It's 1am

and I wake up alone again

It's been too long since I've woken up in your bed

in your arms

Today is the day that I forgot about you

I read back all the words I wrote about you

remembering how I pulled them out of my heart in anguish

but not feeling the pain I knew was there when I pulled them out