A Flower in the Wind

When Was I To Learn How To Love You?

This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.

THIS SPECIFIC CHAPTER CONTAINS PARENTAL ABUSE. NEGLECT, PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, AND MENTAL.

REMEMBER TO PRACTICE SELF-CARE BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER READING.

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You

You were supposed to be my guardian angel

my heaven on earth

But you're the god damn devil in disguise

You fooled my mother, twisted her thoughts, made her think she couldn't leave.

Then you came for us, your children, your flesh and fucking blood.

You made us think that it was our fault.

Made us think that there was a reason.

But there wasn't.

You weren't drunk, or high.

I almost wish you were,

at least then you'd have a real excuse.

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I loved you

I defended you

when no one else would.

When the whole world seemed to be against you I was there.

Without food, without clean clothes or heat.

But I was fucking there.

But by all means, I was a terrible child.

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You fell asleep drinking on the couch again...

you have work tomorrow

but don't worry I'll take care of you.

I'll make your bed, plug in your phone, start your music, set out your clothes and put everything away. 

I'll wake you up to tell you to go to bed.

I'll tuck you in.

And when you're fast asleep I'll clean the dishes and make your lunch.

Just like every night.

Goodnight Dad...

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You...

were always so angry at me, over such little things...

so little that I don't remember what the beatings were about, isn't that funny?

I think it is, especially since you don't seem to remember either.

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I remember when

I was hospitalized for treatment

It was family therapy.

I finally

after 15 years

got up the courage

to talk about what happened.

And after I was done talking,

and I was sobbing on the couch,

unable to breathe