Nick & Bailey

51. Bailey

I push him off me. "Nick! What the fuck?!?"

He pulls me to him again and doesn't loosen his arms, despite my half-hearted slaps to his chest. "Nick, let me go."

"I can't, Bailey," he tries to kiss me again, but I turn away. He brings his lips to my ear and everything slows down. "I miss you. I want you. I need you. Please."

The feel of his breath on my skin sends chills down my spine. I can smell him. He smells like soap. Who knew that could be so sexy?

Fuck it. I need him, too.

I bring face back towards him, and wrap my arms around his neck. He smiles slightly before kissing me again. He runs his tongue along my lower lip, and I inhale deeply as I open my mouth to him.

It's cold outside tonight, literally freezing, but I no longer feel it. I only feel him. I am hypersensitive to his every movement—his arms around my waist while he pulls me even closer, his lips that are slightly chapped, rough against mine, the slight humming noise that is escaping from his mouth into my soul.

I don't care where we are, or who is here, as long as Nick is with me, his warmth surrounding me.

He places his hands behind my thighs and lifts me onto the railing of the porch, spreading my legs with his body. He groans as he rubs himself against me. "Bailey..." he whispers into my mouth. "Is this real?"

I getting ready to respond with "I hope so", but we're interrupted by the screen door slamming shut. Nick and I both freeze. I'm afraid to move, I'm afraid to look, I'm afraid to face the reality of what is happening.

I do eventually, though, and I have never been more relieved in my life. Mandy is standing there, hands on her hips, trying to hide a smile. "I was just sent out here to let you know dessert is ready, but I see you've already started."

Nick and I look back at each other. He's still standing between my legs, so he backs up. He's not looking at Mandy, or me. "Um...I think I'm going to go. Just tell them I'm sick. Do you think Ian could get a ride with you?"

He raises his eyes to me, and I'm so confused and dumbfounded by what just happened, I can only nod. He returns it and walks down the porch steps towards his car.

Mandy walks up behind me and throws her arm over my shoulder, "We need to talk. You're staying at my house tonight."

"You never told me it hurt this bad!" I say to Abby over speakerphone.

She laughs. "Well, if you weren't such a pussy, it doesn't."

"All I have to say is that these cramps better be worth it."

"They will be. I love my IUD."

"I'm going to take some Advil. I'll call you later," I say and hang up the phone.

I just got done at the doctor's office. She inserted an IUD into my uterus, and I felt every movement of it. I know I needed to get on some form of birth control, but maybe I should I have just gone with the pill. Abby talked up her IUD so much, I decided to go with that. At least this way I won't have to remember to take it every day.

I hope it will all be worth it to not have to use condoms anymore with Evan. I'm secretly thinking it will help our sex life, although I don't know if it works like that. I've never actually had sex without a condom before. But I'm willing to try anything.

Evan and I had a very uncomfortable goodbye the other night before he left for home. He wanted to kiss me, but I could still feel Nick's lips on mine. I gave him a friendly hug, which only confused him. I obviously couldn't tell him the reason for my hesitation, though. He has called me everyday since then, so he must not be too upset.

Nick, on the other hand,  sent me one long text saying he was sorry, and it was a mistake, and we should try not be alone together anymore. It wasn't cruel this time, and I appreciated that as much as I could. I replied with a simple "Okay".

I feel like he's almost begging me to leave him alone. He doesn't—can't, won't—want me. I need to accept that, so I've been giving him space.

I'm driving to my Grandma's house now for our annual cousin sleepover. It's hard to believe that it's only been a year since the last one—so much is different. Mandy's been around the world, and Ian lives on the other side of the country. At least Mandy's brothers, Max and Liam, are still pretty much unchanged for now.

Nick won't be there this year. I got the hint when Ian was talking to him that he's going to see his brothers. That's probably for the best.

At least Mandy will be here. We had such a great time when I slept over at her house. She told me all about Mike—who she seems to be even more in love with than before—and all the adventures they've had and all the people they've met.

They survive by getting off jobs here and there. Her most recent job was waitressing at a small cafe in the south of France. She claims she just needs to know the basics of any language to wait tables. When she and Mike leave again, they are headed to Greece. During their travels, they met another couple who is letting them crash on their yacht for a few weeks.

I fill her in on everything from Nick, to Abby, to Evan. It's nowhere near as interesting as her stories, but she still pretends to be enthralled. I'm so happy that I've had Abby as a friend this last semester, but no one could replace Mandy.

When I pull onto Grandma's street, I see smoke coming out of her chimney. I love that she still has a wood burning fireplace, not many houses do anymore. And it's so much more homey than the automatic kind.

Something seems off, though, as I drive closer. The smoke is thicker than usual, and dark, really dark. By the time I park my car on the street, it's turned black.