Hero

Secrets Out, Oops?

I hated wearing makeup. I could feel it on my face which bothered me. Simon gave me a weird look when he saw my makeup since he knew I hated it so much. My oh so lovely mother hit me a few times and though I was blocking my face she managed to hit it a few times. I didn't need anyone staring at me again. I rather curl up in a ball and hid from everyone.

The library was close to vacant since it was lunch period. I didn't mind. I was playing "Hotel California" on my laptop while typing my English essay. It is due next period and I didn't proofread it last night. I was too busy working. I brought down the new gang in town easily. They were weak. Now I just have to focus on the two infamous gangs once again. I've been so wrapped up in figuring everything out that I've been having trouble focusing in class.

I hear the library door creak open but I didn't turn to see who it was. I felt a familiar presence standing behind me. "Em, Rowan wanted to talk with you," I heard Simon say. I turned my chair around to see Rowan standing awkwardly by a very hyper Simon. He was smiling like a crazy person. He is whipped for Rowan.

I didn't even understand why she was here. She almost got shot yesterday yet she decided to come to this hell hole. Then again she has a lot of friends who might help her heal. But also most of them are fake and no one knows what happened yesterday. They only know a student was held hostage and Captain Enigma saved them. I still regret that name. I am truly an idiot.

"Um- okay?" I say nervously. I started biting my lip. I had to tell her the truth. It was now or never.

"Simon," Rowan looks at him. He seems confused at first but realises that she wanted him to leave. He said goodbye to me and quickly left. I could tell he wanted to spend more time with her. They'd make a cute couple. Rowan takes a seat beside me with a smile. "I wanted to say thank you," she tells me.

Thank me? For what? As far as she knows all I've done is hurt her. "For what?" I asked questioningly. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have just accepted the apology. I'm an idiot. A worthless idiot.

"For saving me yesterday," she stated. My heart stopped. I felt the room closing in on me. My throat tightening. She didn't know. She couldn't. It's impossible. I had a mask. I was careful. We haven't spoken in years besides a few times. She couldn't possibly recognize my voice. Shit. This is all going to shit.

I made sure to keep my poker face on. "What?" I say somehow managing not to stutter. My anxiety was through the roof. This essay is never getting done.

"I know it was you. I can recognize your voice when I hear it," she told me. "If it weren't for you I'd be dead. So thank you."

There was no denying the truth. I tried to think of excuses but I couldn't. My thoughts were jumbled. "You can't tell anyone. My mother will kill me if she knew you knew or if anyone else knew," I said frantically.

"I promise I won't," she gave me a smile. A one billion dollar smile. She was so gorgeous, smart, and funny. My heart can't take it.

"I also h-had something to t-tell you," I mention trying to change the subject. I took a deep breath to control my anxiety. "Ilikeyoualotanditscaresthehelloutofme," I say too fast for anyone to understand. She raises her eyebrow motioning to me that she didn't hear any of it. Hey, at least I didn't stutter! I took a few more deep breaths to prepare. Just speak. No overthinking. "I like you. Like more than friends and it scares me. I'm afraid of letting anyone close to me and I didn't want to hurt you. I thought if I pushed you away you'd be happier. Plus at the time I hated myself for being gay. I thought it was wrong and if I ignored it then it'd go away. But it didn't."

She frowned, "Em, being gay isn't something to be ashamed of."

"I know that know. But at the time I was confused and ashamed," I told her. "I still like you though and I know we aren't going to be anything more than friends. But, I just wanted to let you know. You deserve that. I'm sorry being such a fuck up."