to build a home; cth + afi

VIII

chapter VII; calum

after ashton and calum finally settled down, they made their way to the kitchen only to be greeted by the prepared breakfast ashton made earlier for the rest of they boys.

ashton made sure calum drank plenty of water and ate a decent amount of food before he felt like he should leave to not leave the impression of a smothering mother. even though they both knew neither joy or annemarie would approve of what calum was doing in the first place.

ashton also knows that he should stay, he should surely make sure calum is okay, and that he's not going to do anything else, but he's tried that a few times and the only thing that happens is calum gets pissed for a few days, even up to a week, because he doesn't want to feel like a burden or a child that needs to be looked after.

but before ashton can justify leaving, because he knows he needs to soon, he just needs to get in calum's head just a little bit.

so he looks up at calum from across the kitchen island and begins with "cal"

calum looks up with heaviness in his eyes and just waits for ashton to continue

"you know you can't keep doing this right? running from your feelings and using other things to distract you from them? you're only going to keep hurting yourself. and i know that you understand that. it feels like we've been in this very position too many a times for you not to."

calum just sighs and looks down partially in shame but also because he can't look ashton in the eyes. he doesn't like feeling this way.

"i know ash, i just gotta figure shit out and you know that better than anyone. so don't treat me like i don't know what a mess i am. it doesn't help." calum snaps

ashton can't take this small outburst too personally though because he knows all to well that this tough façade is really just his defense mechanism. however, he still needs to be cautious incase calum does actually decide to become angry. he's not sure he could handle that again.

"i never said you were a mess—"

"yeah, but you were definitely thinking it"

ashton just rolls his eyes and he takes this as he cue that calum is getting just a bit too grumpy for him to stay any longer so he just changes the subject and says "just promise me you'll call if you need anything? and i really mean anything"

this softens calum up just a bit because he can hear the hurt and the worry in ashton's voice. he's not meaning to make ashton upset, but that seems to be all he can really do these days. so he tries to make it up to him and whispers

"i promise, ash."

ash gives him a little smile and this starts to warm calum up to him again. but before calum could say anything else ash cuts in

"well... uh okay then, i guess i'll see you monday" ashton's voice raises as if he's asking a question

"uh yeah sounds good"

ashton just turns to walk away and head out the front door but before ashton could completely walk out calum grabs ashton by his arm and spins him so they face each other and he envelopes ashton into a hug.

it takes ashton a few seconds to realize what's happening because in all honesty this is the last thing he expected calum to do. but once he understands he wraps his arms around calum's shoulders and sets his chin on top of calum's head and they both began to mold into each other like they had so many times before.

calum doesn't know why he got so sad all of the sudden thinking about ashton actually leaving him but with his throat slowly choking up he only manages to mutter a few words.

"thank you. so much."

however, even ashton can feel all the guilt and relief behind them when he finally gets them out, so he can only imagine the emotions calum is feeling.

"it's no problem cal, and i mean it, i promise." he runs his hands up calum's sides to gently hold his face in his palms. he then runs his calloused fingers over calum's soft cheekbones. "i made a promise that i would always be here for you and that isn't going to change. no matter what you do or what happens between us, okay?"

it takes calum a few seconds to soak up the words in their entirety just wanting to rather bask in the comfort of ashton telling him so many soothing words. so he blinks his eyes open and replies

"i know ash, i know. but thank you for reminding me."

"you know it's no problem" ashton takes this moment to tilt calum's face up to meet his
"but i still do have to go sweetheart, so i'll see you later"

calum's in a slight state of shock from the old nickname that he's guessing accidentally slipped from ashton's mouth that he almost doesn't feel ashton taking his head and tilting it forward to press a soft kiss to calum's forehead.

"bye cal" ashton says as he exits the door

"oh uh bye ash"

once the front door finally shuts he waits until he hears ashton get into his car and pulls out of the drive way before he fully lets himself reply the events that just happened over in his head.

holy fuck, calum thinks

he still can't quite process everything that just happened

for one he's so thankful for ashton.

abut second, he's so upset with himself. he really let his mind take a hold of him last night, huh?

he doesn't understand why he's so weak. why he a minimal to no self control over things he knows he shouldn't be doing.

however, after this calum only does some mild sulking throughout the day.

but then again, his thoughts keep getting the best of him.

ones like, oh my god i ruined ashton's night,

he probably just wanted to hang out with his friends

he probably wanted to do other things
but no he had to baby sit me and make sure i was alive

like who the fuck does that?

why can't i take care of myself?

why do i have to be like this?

so calum did what calum he knows best. do everything he can to forget about the pain. because he doesn't really want to feel it anymore.

oof sorry that took so long

i graduate in a week

then it'll be updates all the time🤩

hope you liked it

love you lots x