Learning To Live

Chapter 13: Failing

Kai's POV

I was trying and failing miserably to deny it. I was falling in love with her and there was nothing I could do about it. Sitting there holding her; it felt like I was holding the world and didn't know what to do with it. She was so afraid of men, it was literally a miracle she'd even let me hold her like this. There was no way she'd ever look at me as more than a friend; I don't think she knew how.

She slowly leaned her weight more and more on me, until I was sure she had fallen asleep.  Of course, that just made my heart long for her even more.  She trust me enough to let her guard down entirely, and that meant more to me than she'd ever know...  I just hoped that she wouldn't throw her walls back up and push everyone away again.  I'd come to realize that we needed each other.  I needed someone to take care of, and she needed someone to care for her.

My heart was racing, partly due to the fact that she'd been so mistreated, but mostly due to the fact that I was admitting my feelings for her. I'd been told by my mother to guard my heart around women, because once you fall for one, the rest of your life will be altered. Whether something comes out of it or not, it will change the way you think about everything. You'll either get married to her and never know peace again, or you'll go separate ways and always think of her whenever you go after another woman. So be careful who you let into your heart.

My mother's advice had served me well, but what was I supposed to do with Lia? I hadn't meant to let her into me heart...

Maybe it was just me, but we seemed to click faster and easier than my other brothers had with her. Keoki had been good with her, but I could tell that she didn't feel as comfortable with him as she did with me. The other boys just tended to mind their own business, seemingly uncomfortable around her. She had been pretty mean when she'd first come, but they just didn't see how far she'd come.

"I love you..." I whispered, my lips brushing against her hair. She didn't stir a bit, which was good; I wonder how she'd react if she'd heard me say that. Would she be mad? Would she lash out violently? Would she say it back? She was so unpredictable, that it was truly hard to say what she would do.

Then a thought came to me; now that she was getting better, would she go back to Jenny and Dave? It had come to the point where I needed her around; instead of my perfect brothers, she was imperfect. She was wild and fun; she brought excitement to my life. She was unpredictable, and I liked that a lot. All those things were beautiful to me, and my heart clenched at the prospect of letting that go.

As she stirred a little in her sleep, I wondered what a future with her might look like. Would we live here in Hawaii? Would we have children?

I shouldn't have been thinking of those things when she'd barely even let me be her friend. Unrealistic thinking, is what it is; and nothing will get you into more trouble. All she needed was a good friend, so that's what I'd be.

Back to Lia's POV

Even in my dreams, I was falling for Kai. I'd never fallen for anyone, but I assumed this was how it felt.  I'd let my guard down around Kai; entirely.  Admitting that to myself was scary.  He didn't seem like he'd ever be capable of hurting me, but then again, I hadn't suspected my uncle either.  I'd never been in a more confusing situation, and I really had no idea what to do about it. 

I must have slept for at least an hour, because the sun was just starting to set when I finally opened my eyes.  Kai must've fallen asleep too, because his head was resting against the back of the couch and he bolted up the second I lifted my head off his shoulder.

"Sorry."  I muttered.  He must be so annoyed with me right now.

"Lia, you don't need to apologize.  I promise it's okay."  His smiled showed that he meant it; it really was okay.

"Can we watch the sunset." I asked, not wanting our alone time to end. Kai smiled and nodded, then offered me his hand. I smiled back and grabbed it. No fear, just calm and happy.

"I want to sit on the beach." I looked up at him shyly, hoping I wasn't being too bold.

"Me too." He grinned down at me, no judgement in his eyes. Was this what it was like to be in a relationship? It was actually really nice; not at all what I thought it'd be like. Kai wasn't controlling, rude, or abusive at all.

We sat down on blanket in the sand silently and watched the beautiful sunset. Kai hadn't let go of my hand when we sat down, so every now and then, I'd glance down just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Do you want to talk? About, you know..." Kai asked quietly, motioning toward our hands.

"We may as well." I shrugged, feeling very awkward and uncomfortable. Did I honestly want to know how he felt? What if he actually liked me? Would that be so bad?

"Lia, I don't want to say anything until I know your plans. Are you going back to the Wilsons? Or would you consider staying here with us...?" Kai subconsciously started messing with my hand, a nervous habit I didn't mind.

I hadn't really thought much about what would happen when I was 'all better'. Did I want to stay here? Yes. Would I be able to? Who knows...

"I want to stay here with you." I looked him dead in the eye in all seriousness. It was such a good statement, but I needed to stop being a chicken.