Learning To Live

Chapter 11: Slipping

Over the next few days, I mostly avoided Kai. In fact, I mostly avoided all of the boys. I talked to Leilani a little, but mostly just kept to myself. Leilani was rather concerned for my sudden change, but I assured her that I just needed some alone time to reflect a few things and would be back to normal soon. Truth was though, I wasn't sure if I'd return to how I was. I was again starting to slip back into my old self. I hadn't snapped at anyone yet, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hoped it wasn't sweet little Ori again. I was currently sitting on my bed, digging my nails into my forearm. It was sort of like a nervous tic, I suppose. Certainly a nasty habit, but it sort of calmed me down and let me think. I felt so lost at the moment; I wanted to talk to one of the boys, but I knew they wouldn't understand. I was hopeless; a lost cause.

"Would you stop that, please?" A voice called from my doorway. I gasped loudly and turned my head toward the person who spoke. It was Keoki, which didn't surprise me. I was so sick of these boys just coming in my room and invading my privacy.

"Don't you people knock?" I grumbled. He chuckled lightly, causing me to groan loudly.

"I did knock; actually, I knocked three times. You must've been too deep in thought." He shrugged. I rolled my eyes and starting pinching the already irritated skin.

"What do you even want?" I scowled. He apparently took that as his invitation to come further into my room. I got up off my bed and scrambled to the other side of it, as far away from him as I could get. He thankfully got the hint and didn't come any closer.

"I just want to make sure you're doing alright; and before you say you're fine, just let me say this. I haven't pushed and pried, trying to get you to tell me everything that happened in your past. I haven't been rude to you, I have been here when you need it, and you've been doing so much better. I'm not going to let you start going backwards. You're clearly not doing okay, so I'm here if you need to talk." He crossed his arms, showing me that he was completely serious. Yet I'd rather him be joking, because his serious expression was starting to frighten me.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, a tear sliding down my face. I closed my eyes and looked at the floor, allowing the tear to drop on the floor. Keoki's expression softened and he dropped his arms. Okay, well at least he wasn't mad, right?

"No, don't apologize. I'm the one who should be sorry. So I apologize for being so rude. We're all just worried about you since you've been keeping to yourself a lot lately." He gave me a small smile. I sighed loudly, trying not to think too hard about what he said. He made it sound like they all cared about me, but I didn't think it was possible for people to care about me like that.

"Thanks I guess..." I mumbled, not really sure what to say. I felt so uncomfortable...

"Is there anything that I, specifically, can do?" Keoki raised an eyebrow, looking hopeful. It was the most mortifying thing to ask for, but it's what I needed and it's something that he could do. I annoyed myself sometimes. I was always contradictory.

"I need a hug." I muttered, biting my lip in embarrassment. I figured he would say no, or tell me I was being immature or childish. But no; he slowly pulled me into a comfortable hug. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat made me glad I was actually honest for a second.

We stood there, completely relaxed and it was so nice. I wasn't tense, or anxious; I was just enjoying the moment for once. I never wanted to move again. I was still getting used to the feeling that nobody was going to hurt me here; that they actually wanted to help. It was very strange, but not completely unwelcome.

"Is everything okay, Lia? Be honest." Keoki pulled away, but took my hands in his and looked me in the eye. I dropped my head, felling defeated. I was everything but okay, and it was finally time I got everything off my chest; after so many years, it was finally time.

"No. Everything is not okay. Can I talk to you and Kai some place more private?" I looked at him warily. I was done with the whole tough girl act. I gave me a small smile and nodded. We headed downstairs to get Kai and find somewhere secluded. I was pretty scared, to be honest

"Kai, we're going out to the boathouse to talk." Keoki motioned for him to come with us, then we headed out the back and toward the boathouse. I'd never been to the boathouse, but it was really nice. There were two good sized speed boats, plus a couple kayaks. We went through a door that led to a small sitting room with an attached kitchenette. The boys took a seat, but I was too nervous to know what to do. Would they take me seriously? Or would they laugh and make fun of me?

"Why don't you take a seat?" Keoki suggested. I drew in a shaky breath and let myself fall into the nearest couch. Keoki sat in an arm chair across from me, and Kai sat on the other end of the couch I was sitting on. I couldn't believe I was about to do this; tell these boys everything about my past. Was I making a mistake? Most probably yes. Was I going to back down? Most definitely not. I was determined to get this off of my chest today. This very minute, in fact. I couldn't hold it in. Not anymore.

"There's no rush. Please take your time." Kai smiled encouragingly. I could feel myself shaking hard, but I ignored it. I couldn't just ask to talk to them, then tell them never mind. Here we go...