Learning To Live

Chapter 1: Caught

"Natalia, what do you think you are doing?!"  I heard Jenny, my adoptive mother, cry.  I swiveled around, dropping the cigarette I was holding in my hand and crushed it under my black combat boot.  I shrugged nonchalantly, even though my stomach was a bundle of nerves.  I couldn't believe she had actually caught me smoking. Of course she had guessed I was doing it, but I don't think she'd ever caught me before...

"What do you want."  I stared at her hard, forcing myself not to blink.  I could see tears forming in her eyes as she shook her head sadly and walked back inside.  I had been at the side of the house, which in all honesty was a terrible place to hide.  I guess I didn't care if she caught me.  She'd caught me doing several rebellious things, and I didn't regret any of them.  I was only seventeen, but I could pass as twenty one.  I stole Jenny's ID and bought thirty packs of cigarettes and ten bottles of hard liquor.  She hadn't known about it until now, and she still didn't know about the alcohol. 

I left the butt where I'd stomped on it, and went back inside.  Jenny was on the phone, so I crept quietly to my room so she wouldn't get even more mad at me.  Five minutes later, there came a knock at my door.

"What."  I growled, still angry at being caught.  It was Jenny and her husband, Dave. They were the most annoying and obnoxious people on earth, and I couldn't be the only person who thought that.

"Natalia, we need to talk."  Dave said sternly.  Oh great, how were they going to punish me this time?  I grunted, indicating I just wanted them to get it over with and done.

"Believe it or not, we do love you and we want to see you make good choices.  But that's not happening here, so after a long discussion between your mother and I...  We've decided it's best if you go live somewhere else for a while."  He spoke so calmly, it unnerved me.

"To where?  Another boarding school?"  I asked sarcastically.  I'd been to three or four already; why did they act like this was such a big deal. 'They are so dramatic', I thought while rolling my eyes.

"No.  We mean like another family almost.  We thought about putting you in a home for troubled girls, but we couldn't bring ourselves to do that.  Now, I have an old friend who works with girls like you for a living, and she has graciously offered to take you in for a while and do her best to help you get better."  Jenny smiled softly as though this were good news.

"There's nothing wrong with me, Jenny.  I don't need fixing."  I seethed.  I had so much anger built up in me from so many things.  I had been adopted from Kiev, Russia, actually, when I was fourteen.  My birth parents had died when I was four, and I'd been living with my abusive uncle until my neighbors finally called the authorities and I was put up for adoption.  I'd felt so violated, alone, and unloved; but that's just exactly what I was. Especially the unloved part.

"I'm sorry sweetie."  Jenny whispered, a tear running down her face. Oh please. I rolled my eyes as the tears kept coming. What a baby! She cried at literally everything. This is why I spent as little time as possible with her. Who wanted to hang around a cry baby?

"Where are you sending me."  I asked stoically. My desire to hurt here was so strong, but I refused to be like my uncle. I would never revert to that, no matter how mad I got.

"The family's house is actually in Hanalei, Kauai.  In Hawaii." Dave scratched his head and shifted his weight forward.  I leaned away from him, feeling threatened.  Ever since my uncle mistreated me, I'd been wary of men.

"Ubiraysya!"  I commanded, pointing to the door angrily. When I get really angry, all my English just seems to fly out the door. So even though they can't understand me most of the time, my motions make it clear what I'm saying. They got up and slowly made their way to the door.  I didn't think they would actually have the nerve to send me that far away.

"Start packing. You leave first thing in the morning."  Dave told me before closing the door behind him. I thought for sure he would give me a scolding, but I was wrong. He was probably too scared. I got up off my bed and punched the wall, accidentally leaving a dent.  I didn't care though; it would just be a reminder to them that they couldn't fix me no matter how hard they tried.

I grabbed a duffel bag plus my book bag, and started packing.  All my clothes went in the duffel bag.  They were all red or black, and I didn't have many items.  I also threw in a toothbrush, hairbrush, and my second pair of combat boots. In my book bag, I stowed all the cigarette packs and some cocaine a 'friend' had sold me.  There was no way I'd get the liquor through airport security, so I drank half a bottle right then.  It wasn't enough to get me drunk, but it was enough to numb my brain a little.  The rest of it I left there.  Dave and Jenny would dispose of it soon enough.

Once I was finished, I climbed in bed and went to sleep.  Packing hadn't taken a very long time, considering I didn't own much other than necessities.  I'd lived in this small house in New York State for three years.  As much as I despised it, I didn't want to leave.  I knew the ropes around here; not in Hawaii. 

I didn't sleep well that night, and all too soon it was morning. I wish I had my real mom with me...