What Puberty Made Me Do

Beautiful Chunk of A Hunk

Beautiful Chunk of A Hunk

Once upon a time I had my first phone. I got it the day after my birthday and I specifically remember walking to Carphone Warehouse with my mum and brother with the important and critical mission: Find Rhianna her first snazzy phone.

Of course, I was excited because I had never had a piece of technology in my possession before. Well, apart from sharing a DS with my brother. At the time I was around 11 and I think I was in my first year of secondary school, the only place I know of that sells a waffle for £1 (they are amazing waffles though... But still, 11-year-old me is not made of money you know.) Everyone I knew in high school had a phone, and naturally I wanted in, too. I was happy to finally be involved in the phone frenzy everyone was buzzing about. Every few minutes you'd see a flash of a phone, a shove of a new phone in the face, a broken phone on the floor or better yet a new phone that had been broken.

So, me and the gang (mum and brother) make it into the phone shop and we all spread out in search of a 'Rhianna friendly' phone which is also '100% mother approved'. After about twenty minutes of scouring we find one which seemed nice and definitely mother approved; to be honest I was so excited -and very desperate- that I probably would have said yes to any phone my mum offered to buy me as long as it was a phone. We agreed on the phone and bought it that same day as a Pay as You Go phone. Honestly at the time I didn't necessarily know what that meant, but I wasn't about to tell that to my mum because like I said: I was basically a desperate kid. The phone was cute, though, I liked it. It was blue and most importantly matched my nail polish I had decided to wear that day, so I was immediately sold! Who could ask for more?

After a few days of being on holiday, school finally comes around and I was looking forward to showing off my new contraption to my friends. I wanted to show it off, and that's what I did!

Well, when I say I did I mean... I tried to. I think considering the circumstance I did a mighty fine job of trying to shove it into any conversation possible.

"Yesterday was so hot I decided to eat a whole tub of ice cream but don't worry- I put factor 50 sun cream on!" Then I would come over after hearing this and hold up my new phone.

"Oh yes? Well whilst you were listening to the sweet cries of your skin cells burning, I was busy on my new phone. See this? This is my new phone. I got it for my birthday. Like it?"

Okay so maybe -just maybe- I wasn't that bad, but a girl can over-exaggerate and get away with it sometimes, okay? The main point is that I tried to show it off best I could. It just didn't have the effect I had thought it would.

I remember having a technology lesson and everyone had to take out their phones and measure them. I look back at this now and I laugh- I still have this phone to this day and it still works (well, probably).

It turns out that the 'phone frenzy' trend was a bit more specific than I had originally thought.

"What the fuck is that?" Yeah... My new phone seemed to be about 10 years behind everyone else's. They had smartphones: iPhone's, Samsung's, LG's, Xperia's.

And I had: A Nokia Brick.

Honestly, I had no idea the trend was so specific, I just thought a phone was a phone and that was that, but apparently not! I remember thinking to myself 'what a blast from the past.' My friends would laugh at my poor device and so would I because I knew that my little phone was indestructible. A wall, a cliff, a car, a toilet, a bath. Nothing could destroy, damage or even scratch my £5 Nokia Brick. I laughed and laughed, thinking "Ha-ha your phone will self-destruct with even the tiniest drop of rain, a squeeze, a rough tap, a knock.

So what if my Nokia didn't take pictures?

So what if it didn't let you download loads of apps?

So what if it didn't let you send people emojis?

It didn't take pictures because it has a bright ass light that is useful and can light my way in the dark so I don't trip and die, or so I can read a book in the middle of the night in the dark.

It didn't let you download any apps because this phone KNEW that it had (and still has) the best game of all time, you can literally play it for hours and hours on end and therefore didn't need other games to cramp its style.

My phone didn't have emojis? Yeah well neither will your phone when you accidentally drop it 5cm onto a piece of soft, fluffy carpet and watch it smash into a million little pieces of broken emojis.

Ha-ha! For it is I who has won this battle with my epic beast of a phone! I had that beautiful chunk of a hunk for a good year before I sadly moved onto another phone. To be fair, I would probably still be using it now if it wasn't (and still isn't) for my shit memory which forgot the password to get into the phone. All I remember is that it was an 'easy password'. That's it! I got nothing else- nada, zilch, zero!

After all this fuss about my first phone, I still believe -for some reason- that the coolest and most attractive phone you could ever find is a flip phone. The sass level, when you get a call and do a hair flip when opening your phone to answer the call is unreal. Anyone with one of these are instantly a really cool person. Weird enough, I've never actually had a flip phone- it's quite sad really if you think about it.