Colors of Paris ◇ Elijah Stevenson

Chapter Twenty Three.

Chapter Twenty Three. 

There are moments that seem to define us but the reactions we have to them is what makes us define ourselves. He was what defined me but the reactions I had to his death was what I defined for myself. 

I chose to run from there instead of taking a bullet to the head.

I keep pacing the floor as I get the email of confirmation from his agency. They say his schedule was free and he will be at the office at five o'clock so he can audition face to face for the second round then if he is picked to read the script with the girls. 

I breathe in and out as I almost want to slap y face to know this is real. Anything that can giv me a sign that everything is correct and in fact I am not dreaming. 

For so long, days upon days I couldn't stop thinking about this guy and how he controlled my life even when I thought he was dead. 

I remember the summers were the longest. The beautiful sunsets that we could have seen together. The reds, oranges, and blues turning into night. I hated the fact that summer sunsets lasted more than the winter ones. I hated everything about the summer when it wasn't surrounded by someone I loved. 

I gave up everything because of what happened those days. I gave up my best friend. I gave up my family. My not perfect, but what I thought  was perfect enough family. My brother that was in college before me. He had no idea where I was and now where I am at. 

It is so tiring to know that he will be there. After all of this time he couldn't come to me. He couldn't find me someway and still give me his heart. 

"He doesn't give two shits about your existence."

I almost scream because I could swear the guy who that was here with me in the living room. I pull at the ends of my hair down and murmur out loud, "no he is a good person."

Greg is fixing a sandwich for me for lunch since I told him he couldn't come. He is listening to music as he is and when the next song pops up, I almost jump up enough to create a scene. 

It's the song that played before I pleased him. It plays off throughout the walls as we both don't say anything. In my mind he is in the bed with me again. His look. His eyes squint as he chuckles about the irony. 

His hand making hiss way to me again as he leaves one kiss to my lips before I ask him...

"So what time do you have to be there?" 

Greg interrupts my thoughts and I nod to him, "right. Well the agency says he is open for tonight so Larkin already has it open for him to come around five. I have to be there to show my top five and what I think is the best. Then when he watches all, he will make the decision after Mr. Stevenson auditions and reads."

Greg nods and hands me the lunch, "right because he has to not just see who fits the male character but see who he has most chemistry with."

I gulp and blink my eyes twice, "right," I murmur back and then I sit down at the couch. I put my head back and suddenly I feel all of these emotions hit me at once. Love. Hate. Jealousy. Confusion.

Love. Because I now he is going to be back into my life and that butterfly feeling in my stomach comes back to me. 

Hate. Because how dare he live and not tell me. Or get ahold of me somehow. 

Jealousy. There could be another girl in the picture or the girl he has to be with for the movie might make a move on him. Which is always a girl instinct to feel jealous when it comes to the man she likes. But if there is another girl that's when I know he has moved on too.