Shattered Sunrise

And for a second time

My days since Jacob has officially came back from what I'll call his "leave" have been almost indescribable.

Jacob has given me a great gift, for the most part at least. I was afraid of what he would decide to do when he arrived back in Forks.

I was afraid he wouldn't want to be an alpha anymore. He didn't want the job in the first place, and he only came out from under Sam's ruling when he felt forced. He certainly never planned me, or my sister, to be under his ruling.

I know he is grateful for our loyalty to him, for believing in him when none of the others did, but there was only one reason he took on an alpha position.

That reason is currently hidden away in the forrest with her husband, who is not Jacob, and they are putting their child to bed in their home.

So, needless to say, he had more reason to give up being alpha than to keep the position.

I wasn't sure how I was suppose to keep in the sights of Ren if Jacob forced me to return to Sam. Jacob might not could completely give up being an alpha, but making sure he had no other pack members would be just as effective.

Before, when Bella was in danger, Leah and I convinced Jacob to let us stay in our own ways. Now that everything is so different, I had no idea how things would go down.

I had no idea how Jacob would handle things when he got back. I knew that I would get to see Ren no matter what happened, because no one could keep me from her forever.

The problem was, how long would I have to go in between visits? How many milestones would I miss? How many chances would I have to be there for something, only to miss it?

None of us even know how long we have with her. It made my stomach sick, but Jacob surprised me in the end.

Him and Leah arrived as I was entertaining Ren while the Cullens were doing various things like cleaning, off feeding, working, or taking an incredibly long time on their hair.

I live for the hours Rosalie spend on her hair, though. It has nothing to do with her hair at all, but everything to do with not sharing Ren with her.

Jacob and Leah both wore similar worried grimaces as they witnessed me pulling Ren's short, but pony tail length, hair up into a very nice looking do, while she was holding a bottle filled with half animal blood half blood bag, like it was nothing.

I had gotten so use to Ren pulling her hair bows out, and someone taking her away just to put them back in, that I just taught myself how to put it up. I could see how they would be alarmed by the looks of the situation, but there really wasn't much I could do except continue, and act like everything was normal. I wasn't embarrassed, I could never be embarrassed of Ren, but they were just staring at me. It was a more than a little uncomfortable.

Jacob thankfully broke the ice by making fun of me. I hadn't ever been so eager for his snide comments before.

"Dude, do you have the "dad bod" to go with those accessories?" He laughed at my expense.

I just smiled, chucked a throw pillow at him, and threw out a passive "shut up" his way. I was way too pleased at how ok he seemed to be at the time.

Maybe I did have a chance at keeping happiness after all, I had thought. Esme came down from her study suddenly, and politely asked if she could take Ren back up.

Of course she never has to ask to take Ren, but I got the feeling she was only doing it to give the pack a minute to catch up alone.

I handed Ren over, and Esme left with a "Don't worry, I'll bring her back down soon." Wearing the kindest of smiles, of course. I always have admired how considerate Esme is. She is always doing things for others. Like the huge cinnamon rolls she makes me almost every morning.