Overcoming Troubled Waters

SOS

It's crazy how one small moment can cause a person to think about everything in their life and break them... I do not know what I am really trying to say here... well I do know what I'm trying to say it's just that I don't know how to put my feelings into words. At this very moment I feel like there is no going back and I have reached a decision about my future that there is no going back from. I'm scared and I feel so alone. But I don't know what to do or how to talk to anyone about what I'm feeling. Being a Christian I have read scriptures to try and help with what I'm feeling but it's not helping and no one seems to realize that I'm really not okay... and I guess that is my fault as well since whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing or feeling I almost always say I'm fine. BUT I'M NOT FINE and I keep waiting for someone to hear or see that but no one ever does and I'm tired of hiding behind a mask. I feel worthless, and like my whole existence is a mistake. I don't know what to do anymore. And I guess if I am being completely honest with myself I don't care about actually getting help from anyone anymore nor do I want anyone to realize I'm not fine.... Honestly I don't know what I want anymore except for everything I feel to stop.