What are we doing with our lives?/Spam Book

heh....

oh geez everyone's vent but I kinda need to too?

Basically I feel like I'm slowly losing all emotions and interests.... It's just I can't even find the motivation anymore to do basically anything, and things that I'd normally enjoy im starting to stop having interest in.... and also I'm starting to feel less emotion, besides being depressed,sad and angered and I haven't cried in months besides two different times, though one was only a very tiny amount and I had kinda just tried to.... commit harm to myself in hopes of dying. And the time before that I hadn't cried in over a month which was unusual and I was just really upset in that moment.

Honestly also at this point it's more unusual for me not to cut then to cut becuase I do it almost everyday, but like I'm too much of a wimp and scared to cut deep so I more just do it in large amounts- like sometimes probably around 50.
Oh yeah and in real life I always fake being ok, it's has and I hate it but I don't want my friends to know, I mean it's not like they even care about me anyways I mean they've called me unloved and a loser multiple times I mean I know they were probably joking but they don't realize how much it hurts me knowing that it's true. I wish I could just tell someone I know in real life about how I truly feel but I don't know how- and there's only one person that I would really trust to but..... I don't know how to tell them and wjajababva I don't know why anybody would want to waste their time listening to and worrying about me, the human embodiment of disappointment.

Anyways I'm gonna go back to cutting, hey hopefully this time I can do it deep enough to bleed and I'm sorry if you wasted your time by reading this- I don't know why you did but I'm sorry