Panem High- an Everlark Fanfic

Chapter ~12~

Katniss POV

Prim wakes me up a while later and says "Katniss how are you doing?" I sigh and say "Horrible. Fucking horrible." Every minute without Peeta, knowing that I hurt him, is pure torture. I love him so much. Prim hugs me tightly and says "We'll figure something out. I promise." She tells me that dinner is ready but I do not want to eat. I stay in my room and just cry.

Peeta POV

I hear Toby knocking on my door again. I groan out "Go away, I don't want to talk about it!" He says "Peeta please! If you don't let me in I'm going to call Katniss." The mere mention of her name sends knives of pain through my heart. Yet another sob shakes my shoulders as I get up and open the door. I turn and go get back in bed as Toby comes in. He says "Peeta what's going on?" I try not to totally break down again as I squeak out,"She broke up with me.

Toby looks confused as he says "Why would she do that Peeta? She loves you!" I cannot take it anymore. I shout "SHE DOES NOT LOVE ME!" and then more tears pour out of my eyes. Toby puts his arms around me and says "When ever you're ready to talk I'm here." I nod and try to stop my pointless crying.

Katniss POV

I wake up the next morning, drained of energy and motivation. My throat is excruciatingly sore and my eyes are big and puffy. I get up and slowly shuffle downstairs. Plutarch looks up from his cereal and frowns. He says "Are you sick Katniss?" Seeing an opportunity to get out of the pain of seeing Peeta at school I say "Y-yeah." He says "Do you want me to take you to the doctor? I could cancel the appointment I have with my new client this morning." I shake my head and say "No, that's okay. Thanks for the offer though."

I get a mug of hot chocolate and wander back up to my room. I get into bed and put my hair in a messy bun, not planning on leaving the spot I'm laying in for quite awhile. Prim comes in to see me before going to school. I think that she is really worried, seeing me so broken. I was always the strong one that she could count on. She sits down on my bed beside where I lay. She says "I'm so sorry Katniss." I just nod. She has been telling me this a lot. It hurts though, because it's exactly the kind of thing Peeta would say. Peeta and Prim are the kindest people that I know. She leaves for school and I am left alone with my thoughts.

Peeta POV

I get up and get ready for school the next morning, dreading having to face Katniss. I throw on some wrinkled jeans and an old faded and ripped sweatshirt. I brush my teeth and then leave.

On the walk to school all I can think about is having to see Katniss, knowing that she is no longer mine, and I am no longer hers. I still love her and I probably always will. She has given me the strength I needed to survive dealing with my mother. She turned my life from bleak and horrible, to absolutely phenomenal.

When I arrive at school Finnick walks up to me and says "Katniss is sick. So you won't have to see her today." I nod, extremely relieved. We walk over to where the group is standing and Annie says "Aw Peeta I am so so sorry. Please don't blame yourself. Katniss- she just- she didn't want to hurt you." I solemnly say "Well she did, Annie. Every moment has been torture for me. Thinking about her and what I did wrong and how I fucked this up."

Annie nods and I see a tear slip out of her eye. It looks like she wants to say something but her lips remain sealed. I sigh and close my eyes, trying to hold back my tears.

Katniss POV

I am totally alone, constantly thinking of what a horrible person I am. I eventually can't take it anymore. I get up and walk into the bathroom.I pull up the sleeves on my sweatshirt as more tears fall out of my eyes. I get out a razor blade and bring it to my skin. I draw in a deep breath and then I slide the sharp tip over my wrist.

Bright red blood protrudes out of the cut. My blood and tears mix together on the counter. It seems to help me get my mind back under control. I am worthless. As I repeat those words over and over in my head I cut once again, this time on my other arm. I wash off the blade, the counter, and my wrists after that. I get back into bed and think about what I just did. I feel horrible. I am very ashamed. I know that I should not have done it, but it also felt so good. I know that I will do it again.

I drift off to sleep for awhile and have horrid, vivid nightmares. Instead of my usual where it is my dad in the mining accident, it's Peeta. I'm see him get blown to bits, just like my father was. My mother wakes me up as I am screaming and sobbing. As soon as I see that it is her I wrap my arms around her and say "I- I'm sorry!" She sits down beside me on the bed and says "Katniss, honey, what are you talking about?" I explain "I- I always judged you too harshly. For grieving so much about dad. I- I realize now how hard and horrid heartbreak is. And I really miss dad too." My mom has tears running down her face as she pulls me into another hug and says "Katniss, I am so sorry." We sit there like that, holding each other and crying for quite awhile. Prim finally quietly knocks and comes in. I pull back from my mom and stand up. I pull Prim into a hug and say "I love you." She hugs me back and says "I love you too Kat."

I see Peeta the next day at school. I look and feel hideous. I am wearing jeans and a sweater with my hair in a messed up braid. My braid seems to be falling apart just like my life. As soon as Peeta's bright blue eyes meet mine I look away. I am so tortured seeing the hurt look on his face. I get the urge to cut agin. My fingers itch to have the blade in them again. I need to inflict pain on myself. I have to hurt myself instead of others for once.

I am so lost in though that I don't notice Annie is there until she says "Katniss, are you listening?" I sigh and say "I'm sorry." Annie hugs me and says "It's okay Kat. I was just saying that we should go out for lunch today. Just me and you." I nod and says "S- sure."

We go to our lockers and I am face to face with Peeta. I am reaching up to unlock my locker when he turns and sees me. A look of anguish washes over his face as he quickly walks around me. I have to fight not to burst into tears right there. All through the day it's like this.

At lunch time me and Annie walk out to the parking lot and get in her car. I let myself break down as she drives to Panera. Once we get there she says "I'll go in and order and then bring it out here. What would you like?" I shake my head and say "I'm not hungry." Annie frowns at me and then walks inside. She returns with two large sandwiches.

She hands one to me and says "Katniss, you'll feel better if you eat." I slowly bite into my sandwich and immediately realize how hungry I am. I have barely eaten since the break up. I practically inhale the rest of my sandwich as Annie drives back to school. The rest of the day is horrible and I practically sprint home.

As soon as I get to my bathroom I lock the door and get out my razor blade. I drag it across my left wrist three times. Once I am done I sigh. I repulse myself. How could I be this weak. But I also feel much better. I clean up and then go into my bedroom. I do my homework and then go to bed. I fall into a fitful sleep, full of nightmares.

A.N. I am sorry! I was crying writing this! It hurts me to see my beautiful Everlark like this!😭 I'll update again as soon as I can! Thanks for reading!

MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR!