Letters from Luke

note twelve.

I've been on the plane for a long time now. 

I rode by myself because I wanted to come and see you. 

Remember the surprise?

Well, today is the day that I finally come to see you. Your parents told me everything I need to know, so hopefully I won't get lost on campus or anything. 

All I packed was my backpack, a few clothes, your present, and a big ass teddy bear saying I'm Sorry across the big heart it holds. I know you always say 'you don't have to get me anything for my birthday' but i know you want something. Everyone wants presents don't they? 

Anyways, when I went to the store to get the giant teddy bear people were staring at me in line. It felt awkward for me standing there alone with a teddy bear almost half my size. 

Taking a cab to your school campus, I was beyond nervous because I haven't seen you in a year or more. 

It was around lunch time so people were out of their dorms. 

I asked the front office where your dorm was, and the people there seemed really kind. I'm glad you're living in a good environment. 

I stood in front of your door for a few minutes pacing back and forth. I didn't know what to say if you answered the door. Do I hug you like the time when you and I were at the airport and I had to leave? Do I say sorry and beg you to forgive me? I stared down at my black converse knowing that time is slipping away from the touch of your door knob.

I softly knocked on your door. 

I waited a couple seconds.

And then after fifteen seconds slipping,

you were standing there in your bright pink pajama shorts and one of my band t-shirts you probably stole from my closet a couple years ago.

You smiled cheekily at me. I smiled back, chuckling.

I dropped the teddy bear and wrapped my arms around you tightly. Your hair smelled like that pink rosy floral scent that I loved.

You asked me what I was doing here in your college dorm. I explained to you that I came to visit you because sending you these letters wasn't enough for me. You showed me all eleven letters that I sent you; all ripped open and read.

You didn't remember anything in the letters like what really happened. I've been telling you little snippets of what happened so reading them made you feel like it was familiar. 

You said that the letter number six was your favorite. You liked it because it was the story of how I met you. I asked if you remembered that, but you shook your head and teared up. 

Seeing you cry in person made me cry. I cried with you because I just couldn't believe what was happening. You didn't remember all the memories we shared together. 

You let me lay in your bed and I felt like we were roommates again or something. Like the endless nights where you would sleep in my bed with me. You laid your head on my chest as you started reading out the letters the I sent you.

You laughed at all the typos and incorrect use of commas and weird things, but you loved them. 

But then a guy walked in you room. He looked at me strangely, which made me a little bit uncomfortable. 

He introduced himself as your boy friend. 

I looked at you for a second. 

You had guilt in your eyes and I knew from that moment on everything was a mistake for me to visit you. 

Your boy friend asked if he could talk to me outside of your room. You hesitated at first, saying that if he needed to tell me something then he should say it in front of you as well. As much as I regret saying this to him, I said that it was okay and that it'll be a quick talk. 

He hated me so much, I could tell by the dirty look he gave when he looked at me. 

The first thing he said was that I should leave and stop sending you these letters. It was getting annoying for him because all you could talk about was those letters that I've been sending to you. 

But you were overhearing our conversation and slapped him. You yelled at him to leave you alone and that you two were over. 

He shook his head, rolling his eyes and left. 

Told you I was better than that jerk. 

You apologized to me about the guy you've been dating for a couple weeks. You said the only reason you've been dating him, was because he reminded you of me. 

Your memory isn't doing so good, so you asked me to write you this letter in case you ever forget this day that I visited you in over a year. 

So here's my twelfth letter for you!

Thank you for dumping that jerk head. I know you said that we should start over and pretend that nothing happened in the past, but I kind of don't want to.

So let's remain friends, yeah?

I mean, just for now. But if you ever want to get back together then you can tell me when you're ready. I know I'll be ready for you whenever you make up your mind.

I love y-

Fuck, I'm writing in pen today and I can't really erase anything. . .

Fuck it.

I love you.

Sincerely,

Letters from Luke.