Letters from Luke

note thirteen.

Staring at the clock across the room that read 4:38 in a big bold red numbers, I knew I couldn't go back to sleep anymore. 

Getting out of bed, I changed into grey sweat pants and a white t-shirt. I grabbed the car keys, a half drunken pepsi, and my baby blue blanket I draped over my shoulders. 

Mornings were still cold here if you didn't know. 

I drove around the block for a few minutes just clearing out my head. I don't know why I couldn't go back to sleep. Maybe it's because I was thinking about you again. 

There weren't that many cars driving at that hour. I kind of liked it that way because it was like I was king of the road or something.

I'm so dorky at this time, I know.

But I remembered the little hidden spot we drove to when we wanted to hide from our parents. I don't know if they teared down the lot, but I hope they didn't. Only you and me knew where that place was hidden. To others, it was just an empty abandoned area. 

As I drove by the area, I noticed that it still looked the same. It was exactly the same, just how we left it. Arizona cans were thrown away in the corner, and your favorite soda drink in the same spot you left it. 

I hugged the duvet close to my body. Jumping over the medium sized white picketed fence, I stood in front of the whole scene and memories that took place.

Such as the time when we bought a twelve pack of all sorts of sodas and had the worst idea to drink all of them in under five minutes. 

And maybe it was the time where we took the bus to get here on a late Friday night. You were scared that a hobo would chase down the street with a knife hidden in their pockets. But I kept you safe. I packed a big water gun to protect us. 

I sat against the fence thinking about what I said to you that night. 

The night when everything ended.

Again, my mind was hot tempered. Everything that I didn't mean flew out across as rude and disrespectful. 

I said that I hated you and that I never loved you. 

That you should get out of my house because I didn't want you to be here with anymore. 

I chucked one of my pillows at you until you left my room. You stood there by my door yelling at me to stop, but I was so fired up. One of my brothers heard our fight, so he took you out of my room and I guessed walked you over to your house.

I'm sorry.

I don't hate you.

I still love you. 

I want you to stay with me and be by my side. 

The sun is starting to set again, dammit. 

Stay good in school, yeah?

Don't let your lazy ass procrastinate! 

And if you ever need someone to talk to,

I'm here for you.

Sincerely,

Letters from Luke.