'I don't know what normal feels like anymore' [pll]

(7)

Ashley had been staying at shays apartment the last few days, her and Tyler had had a fight when she came out of the bathroom and they hadn't spoken since though he had been calling but she didn't feel like answering. she knew she had to get back to work, Marlene was cutting her slack and she didn't want to push it, she got up, had a shower and grabbed an apple before leaving and driving to set. When she arrived in the parking lot she looked around seeing what cars she could recognize, she saw shays, Troians, Lucy's, Ian's, Tyler's, Keegan's, janels, Sasha's. 'Great' she thought to herself, 'everyone's here'. She took a breath before getting out of her car, she knew she had to go to speak to Marlene so she went straight to her office, just before she knocked on the door she heard voices speaking, 'we can't keep shooting without her, it's not right we can't have one of the main girls missing' Ashley recognized the voice as Normans, one of the producers. 'Im not having her back on set when she's in the state she's in, it's not safe for her or anyone around her' Marlene said as Ashley bit her lip, 'then we only have on option' Norman said, 'I'll make the call' Marlene said before Ashley ran upstairs to her dressing room. She knew what the call was, that's what happened when someone got fired, she picked up the lamp off her side and threw it at the wall, how could she have been so stupid, she was going to lose the best job she's ever had and she's gonna lose all her friends. She kicked the wall before putting her back against it and she broke down as she slid down the wall and curled up in a ball on the floor.

Lucy was walking up to her dressing room when she heard something smash in the door she just walked past, she turned around and saw it was Ashley's dressing room, 'that's odd' she thought, 'I didn't know Ashley was back', she knocked on the door softy only to get no reply, she waited a couple of minutes before pushing the door open and walking in. It was then that she saw there was glass and ceramic shattered over the floor and Ashley curled up in the corner, her head in her hands, her hands covered in blood and she was almost positive Ashley was having a panic attack. She ran over and knelt infront of her 'ash, breathe, it's okay..' She repeated this over and over trying to get Ashley to calm down, Ashley looked up at her and it was then that Lucy saw then fingernail marks under her eyes, Lucy held Ashley's head in her hands and kissed her forehead gently 'come on ash breathe, you're okay I got you..'. After a few minutes Ashley's breathing got back to normal and she looked around the room before looking back at Lucy, she looked scared. Ashley took a breath and said 'I'm getting fired today..', Lucy shook her head and stroked her hair 'don't be silly they'll never fire you, you're one of the stars of the show'. Ashley shook her head 'I heard Marlene and Norman talking, they don't think I can handle it', tears filled her eyes again. Lucy took Ashley hands and helped her up 'come on, we need to get you cleaned up', Ashley nodded slightly and held onto Lucy for support as they made their way down to Laura leighton's dressing room. Lucy knocked lightly on the door and after a couple of seconds it swung open, Laura looked from Lucy to Ashley who was standing behind Lucy and put her arms out to her, Ashley took a step forward before collapsing into Laura's arms hysterically crying.

Laura took Ashley into her dressing room whilst Lucy went downstairs to find Marlene. Ashley sat on Laura's lap crying into her chest, Laura stayed silent gently rubbing her back and kissing her head until Ashley calmed down, 'do you wanna talk about it?' She whispered as Ashley shook her head the mumbled 'I'm getting fired cause I was drinking'. Laura bit her lip and held her closer 'why were you drinking ash?' She felt Ashley stiffen in her arms then she looked up at Laura 'cause I..', 'you what baby?' Laura kissed her head gently as Ashley started to cry again 'I don't want to do this anymore'.

Lucy had left Ashley with Laura and had gone to find Marlene, she ran up to her forgetting she still had the blood from Ashley's hands on her hands and Marlene jumped backwards, 'Lucy what happened?!', Lucy looked down at her hands 'it's Ashley..' Marlene frowned slightly as Lucy continued 'she's upstairs and she's cut all her hands and she's got fingernail marks under her eyes and it's bleeding and..' Marlene cut her off 'where is she now?', 'with Laura in her dressing room'. Marlene nodded and walked upstairs, knocking on Laura's dressing room, she could hear Ashley crying from outside and she shook her head slightly as Laura yelled 'come in', Marlene pushed the door open and saw Ashley curled up on Laura's lap her hands covered in blood and tears streaming down her face. 'Ashley..'

Ashley looked up but when she saw Marlene she struggled off Laura's lap and stood against the wall 'I'm sorry, I.. I..' she was having another panic attack. Both women tried to calm her down but in the end she ran out the door, back to her car and sat in it crying.

A/N - I go back to college tomorrow so I don't know how often I'm going to be able to write, I've written about a chapter and a half more I'm not quite sure how long I want this story to be - I know where it's going to end.

Hope you're all having fun back at school - if you go to school.

See y'all soonnnn :)