The Burn Book

Drive-in

Okay so you've seen the name of the chapter. It was a drive-in not a drive-by.

I aint talking about sitting in a car and driving-by a public place and doing a shoot out.

NO I'm talking about the movie theaters where you can drive your little foreign car inside and sit in front of a giant ass screen and watch a supposedly good movie. Sometime you get to see a double feature.

WELLLLLL ANYWAYS.

The drive-in.

I've been to a drive-in a total of two times in my entire life. The first time it was awesome. LIKE THE BEST EXPERIENCE EVER. I saw Brave and THE AVENGERS. Two badd-ass movies. With Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleson.. HAHHT.

OFF TOPIC

Well the second time wasn't as great. On the way to this movie theater I sat in the car with my cousin and her dog. That dog farted every 3 minutes for the entire hour and a half drive. THat dog had its ass pointed towards me the entire time. And one fart was so bad I started crying. I almost got out and bought some air freshner at a walgreens..

When we got there we put our stuff in our truck and tried walking out the gate to a Krogers next door. But as soon as we got to the gate they yelled at us and told us that we couldn't leave and we were basically stuck in a prison. I thought about just running through the gates anyways but I didn't want to like fucking get tazed or tackled or some shit like that.

So we just walked back to the truck and sat down for a while and I ate some Jalapeno Cheetos. (EXPENSIVE WALMART VISIT) About 5 minutes later my brother decided he wanted to get some chili cheese fries. So we got up and walked the mile to the concession stand and saw chili cheese fries for $2.50. EXPENSIVE right? So we asked for the fucking fries. And they litteraly said these exact words;

"Sorry but this is the first day in the year we haven't had fries. So fuck you Thor." Well you pick the part I exaggerated on.

After that I did scream "SON OF A -" I stopped there cause again I don't want to get tazed or tackled. The guy at the counter looked a bit scared so we walked over and got nachos instead and grabbed a thing of jalapenos. That was supposed to be for the chili cheese fries. So yeah take the fuck out of that. Try to let that sink into your head.

So we walked back to our truck and sat down in our chairs. But then we looked up at the screen and noticed this fucking foreign piece of shit car sitting right in front of the screen. WHAT THE FUCCK

We are literally in a big ass field. You couldn't of found another spot to park?

So we sit up in the back of the truck and now there is like 6 people in the bed of this small truck. My parents started yelling at me to get off. Out of all the assholes up there they yelled at me to sit on the ground to the right of the truck. But when I looked over to the vehicle next door I saw a blazer full of big scary looking drug dealers, thugs, and like rapist guys. I look at my parents like their stupid.

"I'm not sitting next to them mexicans!" I yelled that. But I promise you, I have nothing against Mexicans. Like four of my close friends are mexicans. SO DON'T HATE ME.

My dad looked at me like I'm fucking stupid and made me sit on the ground next to the farty dog. While my brother got to sit up in the truck, like fucking King fucking Charles fuck.

After another 10 minutes of waiting for the first movie~ Guardians of the Galaxy ~ to start, a car parked right in front of me again. It sat there for a minute but then realized it didn't want to park in that spot. So he backed up and was a foot away from hitting me. AND I WAS FUCKING YELLING "COME ON!!! A LITTLE MORE. FIVE MORE FUCKING INCHES!" Well he was half a foot away from me when he finally drove the opposite way. Then another 5 minutes later a couple in their 20's parked in front of me and were making out in the car. I picked up my chair and sat way back by the front of the truck (The truck was backwards. The back of the truck was facing the screen) by myself. I cried for the first half of the movie cause of how pissed I was.

I EVENTUALLY FELL THE FUCK ASLEEP BUT I ENDED UP FALLING THROUGH THE CHAIR AND BREAKING IT WHILE BOUNCING MY HEAD OFF THE SIDE OF MY FATHERS TRUCK.

I AM STILL FUCKING PISSED.

I threw the chair into a trashcan and sat in another. But after the first movie was done. I was freezing and decided I'd sit up in the truck bed with my parents and brother to watch the second move ~ Into the Storm.

It was a very good movie. But The plastic truck bed liner was hurting my ass so much. And then I was sitting down by my brothers nasty-ass smelling dickweed feet.

NOW I DECIDED I AM FOREVER DONE WITH DRIVE-INS.

AND I SUGGEST YOU BE TOO.

But do whatever the F you want.

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Okay so if you had a similar experience as any of these BURN BOOK rants. Feel free to comment or PM us and we promise we will read your message. If your rant makes us feel bad we will dedicate the corresponding rant chapter to you.

-Thor