And as soon as the sun rose into the sky, I was awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering what he was doing and what he was thinking about.
I sigh, snuggling deeper under the blankets, and cuddling with my teddy bear, wishing that I could replace the stuffed animal for the boy that I'd been nestling up to in my dreams. I smile at the fact that in a matter of time, we will again be reunited, and I will have his arms around me, my cheek to his chest, laughing and smiling, and loving. Loving as if it were done as simply as it was to be said.
I reluctantly get myself up, excitedly, knowing that soon I will be warm again, but sleepily, wishing I could return to my nest of blankets and artificial warmth that I had manifested.
I throw my hair into a ponytail, pull a t-shirt over my head, and hastily draw eyeliner on, highlighting the blue of my irises. The blue that he always reminded me was beautiful. I smile at myself in the mirror as my heartbeat speeds, feeling my time alone becoming brief.
I float through the school hallways, and although there are glimpses, short conversations and brief touches between us, it could not measure up to what would happen when the final bell rings. Eventually, I hear the last tick of the clock, and thank God that He could be so merciful, for even another minute could've driven me completely insane.
I had never trusted or depended on anyone since I was small, small enough that I had no choice, not able to even reach the countertops on my own. I entwine my fingers between his as our hands connect with one another, and I smile at him. I close my eyes for only a moment, imagining life if I could stay like this forever; if we could stay this way forever.
We arrive at my home, and he opens the door for me, as he always does, a small gesture, but appreciated all the same. After piling my things onto a chair, I embrace him, exhausted from resisting the temptation of doing so for the past 8 hours of my life. I lead him to what I now refer to as 'our couch.'
Sitting down, I look at him; only look at him, feeling a deep sense of luck, pride, and gratefulness. I realize that I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the entire world, as I take his hand in mine, pressing it to my lips, but adding no pressure, just feeling his skin against me, against my body.
I have not had a realization of the detachment of my body and my soul since I have felt his warmth against my heart. I now know that there is a difference. Not only does he warm my external self, but everything inside feels as if it's receiving a full dosage of sunlight as well.
Nothing could keep me from him. Not even myself. Addiction. Sweet as honey, and just as sticky. I feel his hand pressed against the small of my back as I watch him fade in and out of consciousness, I bite my lip, nervous, but comfortable all at once. I close my eyes, allowing myself to fade into the shallowness of the blurry dream world that awaits me just on the edge of my mind.
