shy ; l.hemmings

dix

+unedited

- her pov-

i pace back and forth behind the curtains of the stage as one of my good friends, Eleanor, presents. She is almost done presenting and i am going next. i bite on my nails while pacing back and forth from anxiety.

the guys nor luke has showed up and i dont know if i could perform at all. without luke, i felt empty. it was wrong to, but i did. i needed him with me on stage. i'm guessing he didn't feel the same way seeing he isn't here next to me now.

"they'll show up. you'll see." kassandra says, encouragingly. i stop pacing back and forth and sadly look at her.

"i want to believe you. i really do." i sigh and grab my guitar from the side and sling it around myself and grip onto it.

luke was originally gonna play guitar and i just sing along with him, but it seems like i'm going solo now.

i shake my head and watch as Eleanor says her last few words and leaves the stage. lots of people are cheering her on and applauding. i take a deep breath and close my eyes.

you'll do alright...you'll be okay. i tell myself.

i look at kassandra. she gives me a thumbs up and walks off the stage on the side to sit with the audience. i look at the vice principal standing next to me. she nods towards me motioning me to now go onstage. i weakly smile towards her direction and walk on the stage.

i don't know what was happening at first. i bowed my head down as i walked all the way to the middle of the stage where a microphone on a stand lies. i hear no sounds coming from the audience. they are waiting for my next move.

i don't meet anyone's eyes as i stand in front of the microphone now. i clear my throat as i look above everyone's heads.

"hi, um. i will be performing a song my friend lu-.... and i wrote together." i bite my tongue from me almost saying his name.

"it's called grow up. i hope you like it." i say. i feel my legs start to shake as i look at kassandra in the front row sitting down. she weakly smiles at me.

"i wish i could do something" her eyes read. i nod and take a deep breath.

i start to strum the guitar. i look down at my guitar as i play. i try to lose myself with the music, but it didn't work. i still felt my heart pounding very loudly and the shiver all over my body. i start to sing.

"I told 'em all where to stick it

I left town with a dime to my name

I said, I'm done with all my fake friends

Self-righteous pawns in a losing game" i sing. i was breathy as i sing. i didn't sound as good as when i was with luke. when i sang those lyrics with him, it felt real. now it felt like i had to sing them.

"Got my band and a light that wont go out

Been burning since the day I was born

So i cried just a little then I'll dry my eyes

Cause I'm not a little girl no more" my voice cracks as i sing the last words. i stop strumming my guitar and breath heavily.

i feel my cheeks red. i look up to the crowd. i meet with all their eyes. it doesn't seem like they're even laughing or mocking me. it almost seems like they feel sorry for me. if i were them, i would to.

my eyes trails towards kassandra's. i see her just shake her head, her forehead creasing. i understood her now, she wants me to just forget this whole thing and go off the stage.

i nod towards her direction, feeling tears well up to my eyes. i bow my head down in shame.

as i am about to walk away from the microphone, i hear a voice. a voice singing.

"Some of us have to grow up sometimes

And so, if i have to I'm gonna leave you behind" luke sings. i feel someone put their fingers under my chin. they lift up my chin and once again, my eyes meets luke's.

he smiles and slides my guitar off of my body and slings it around his. i don't know how to feel as he starts to strum the guitar and sing the chorus of our song. he looks through the crowd smiling and singing.

i look towards the crowd and see the guys an kassandra together. ashton has his arm around kassandra and they grin towards luke and i's direction. michael and calum grin. calum meets my eyes and nods at me with his sparking brown eyes.

i come back to reality and turn back to luke and listen to what part he sings and sings along with him.

i notice as we sing each word, we deeply look into each others eyes. his eyes tell me a story as he sings.

"i'm sorry" i read. i nod smiling a little.

and in that moment, i forgot all the shitty things luke has done to me.

i forget that we were in front of people.

i forget nick and louis and everyone.

all i can think of is us, luke and i.