Marry me (book 3)

Chapter 11 - Tell me

December 21 12:30 p.m.

Shawn and I are at his house, just sitting on the couch, talking with Aaliyah and his parents. We haven't really talked about the whole Beautiful B name thing, he is so sweet and kind, but I haven't really talked to him about it.

It's so weird, since than he only called me Michelle, no more B. Something happened, and I have no idea what.

We also didn't talk about the  'marriage' thing since last week, it kind of freaked me out,

I don't know why I'm so freaked out about this, but this whole, thing.. is hard for me.

Why is it so scary to think that maybe one day I'll be married with kids? This is weird just to even think about it. And I get Shawn now when he said we are not ready to be parents, I am not ready. For sure.

Oh my god, I'm 20, and I was pregnant, I almost had a kid, holy shit.

This just freaks me out. My whole life is ahead of me, and yes maybe if I had the baby I would think differently, but now.. I'm kind of happy.

"No mom, me and Michelle are going out tonight" Shawn says.

I was so distracted with my thoughts that I didn't hear what Shawn was asked.

Wait... we are going out tonight? I had no idea Shawn was planing on taking me out tonight.

"But I already made dinner.." his mom begs.

"Mom it's a Saturday night, we want to go out and have fun, maybe tomorrow we'll come over for dinner.." he says.

Maybe.. tomorrow? Why won't we come tomorrow? Does he have more planes?

I seriously feel something is going on with Shawn, since he came back from tour, it feels so weird around him.

The night he came back he was so different, he almost jumped on me, yeah it was hot, but it's not him..

And all this talking about babies and marriage... I think he was just freaked out..? Or maybe not, because he brought up the whole            'we will get married one day'  thing.

He also stopped calling me B, that's so weird, maybe he is going through something.

"Ok, mom stop it, we are going now" Shawn says standing up, glancing down at me, like he wants me to join him.

I stand up, and Shawn gives me his hand and we walk to his room.

Something is up with him, I have no idea what, but he is definitely going through something.

"Are you ok?" I ask when we are finally alone in his room and my thoughts stopped consuming me.

"Yeah, why?" He asks taking his shirt off.

Oh yeah...

"I don't know you seem a bit off" I say sitting on his bed.

Shawn walks to his closet and take out a plain black T-shirt. He looks at me with an 'I don't understand' look.

He puts his shirt on and he sits on the bed next to me.

Did you have to put a shirt back on?

"What do you mean?" He asks looking at me, actually now, when I think about it, he looks so good with his plain black T-shirt... oh Wow.

I mean... he looks good no matter what! It's crazy.

"I don't know.. I just asked if you are ok.. you seem a bit off" I say.

"Well I have no idea what you are talking about.." he says a bit nervous.

"Shawn just tell me, if you won't tell me, who will you tell?" I ask. "You know I won't judge you"

"Seriously, Michelle. I'm fine" he says. "Why did you stop calling me B?" I snap.

"I don't know"
"Oh please, Shawn, something is going on"
"Nothing is going on"
"Why are you lying to me? I want to help you, I want to be there for you, why are you pushing me away?"
"I'm Not pushing you away. You are overreacting"
"I'm overreacting? Shawn you know what, I don't care, you don't want to tell me, don't tell me."

I hate him for keeping this thing away from me. Ok maybe I am overreacting, I don't hate him.

"Hey B.." he says trying to calm me down getting closer to me.

"I'm sorry" he says and he He takes my head up, so I have to look at him.

"I love you, you know that right?" He says. "Yeah.." I whimper. He kisses me making my heart ache.

He pulls my head to his chest and he hugs me tight. "You have nothing to worry about. I promise" he says.

I pull away from him, "you just don't get it, I want you to talk to me, I haven't seen you in the past few months, you were on tour, and I missed you. And since you came back, I feel something happened, and I want to be there for you and help you with whatever is going on."

"I lied to you" He says.

What? He lied?

"About what?" I ask.

"Ok, I didn't lie, I just..." — "you can tell me I won't be mad" I say.

He lingers.

"I have 2 reasons why I call you B, I told you one of them, I didn't tell you the other" he says.

Another reason?

"I don't understand how this has to do with anything" I say confused.

"At Valentine, at 5th grade, when you were at 5th grade, when you asked that douche if he would like to be your date.."

"Yeah...." I say blushing, I can't believe the really happened... oh my god.

"Well I wished you asked me to be your date, through time I understood that what I really wanted was you to come to me and ask me if I wanted to be.. be.. be..." He says.

What? I can't help myself but smile, he is so sweet!!

"Why are you smiling like that?" He asks.

"I had no idea" I say.

"What, that I liked you?" He smirks. "Well, yeah.." I confess.

"Oh don't lie to me, you knew that" he says. "No... well you told me that you liked me at age 16..? But I didn't know that you felt this way since you were 12" I say.

"Well, yeah... wow that's so weird, 10 years that I liked you, now I love you" He says smiling.

"I love you too" I say kissing him.

Shawn pulls away. Looking me in the eyes, I see sadness, and hurt.

"I can't take it anymore." He says

"What do you mean?" I'm shocked by his looks,

"I lied to you" he repeats

"Ok... I don't understand" I say.

"I kissed someone"

WHAT?