Monica. (When Life Takes A Wrong Turn Series #1)

Chapter 5: Dear Diary.

— completing the metamorphosis and bringing to life, a monster, a beast...

Writing down these words made me realize how true they were,  it was acrimonious to know that one experience ruined me, quicksilvering the perfect, innocent, sweet girl I once was into a mutant that sucked happiness out of every creature she found.

It was horrendous that the human race hadn't exterminated me, it was bewildering that despite the bad vibe I carried along and despite how many lives I had destroyed people like Alice, Pondy and Nick still saw me as a good person without bringing to account what I had done to them. That feeling was the reason why I decided to overcome my fears by doing something I thought was preposterous, the idea I got was so not me and I wanted to back out if that YouTube video hadn't spoken on how I needed to revisit my pasts in order to move forward and live a much better life that would make me happy and others around me happier, according to the video I was supposed to get someone I could share my thoughts with, but since I had no one to confide in I decided it would be nice to get a diary.

What really increased this irrational idea was because of what happened yesterday, Pondy had missed school again due to an illness which I had injected into her system as a result of the dark clouds I had encrusted our relationship in. Before yesterday ended I realized that there was absolutely nothing that could improve my relationship with Pondy. The truth was obvious, I could buy diaries and do therapies but the repercussion would still be the same, my friendship with Pondy was forbidden from the beginning but I had tested fate and ever since we became friends it was always a problem after the other with Pondy always getting hurt.  I wasn't blind to realize that if we continued this journey Pondy would end up paying the price of it all. So why hurt her when I can just leave? Why make my friends lives horrible when I can just say goodbye and safe them from a ton of suffering?  Why make Pondy and Nick cry in pain when I can just walk away?

What was even the point of everything in the first place? What was the point of my meeting with Pondy when I would have to leave again? What was the point of having two blessed souls to confide in when I know I would be the reason for their death and unhappiness? What was the point of moving on when I am not ready to leave the past? What was the point of life when it would end with death? —

Dropping the pen I sighed still staring at the words I had written down tears finding their way to my eyes. Sadness was like a chain that kept wrapping its arms around me, pain was the breath I breathe in every second, tears were the consequence of the curse that I was.

I was tired of living like this, I was tired of living my life without happiness, I didn't want to have sadness, pain and all this excruciating emotions surround me anymore. I wanted to be free I wanted to have friends and people I can always call and be rest assured they'll come, people that loves me and people that I love. Standing everyday just to watch the ones I care about get hurt was too much and as every second unfold the future I was getting closer to that day I dreaded. That day when I would have to break my friends hearts by saying goodbye.

Just picturing myself telling Pondy we could no longer be friends was disturbing and it made tears roll down my cheeks bringing with them more spells that kept me locked up in my world of pain and anguish.  That poor heart I had made happy by being friends with even when it was dangerous would wither away. And Nick? How would he feel?

Despite all the times we had spent together knowing each other and enjoying our friendship would be called a mistake now? Something that wasn't meant to be? Something forbidden in the first place? How cruel was life?!

Sucking in a deep breath that gave way to more tears falling like rain in a bad season to give tragic news and spread bitter chaotic feelings I closed my eyes trying to breathe as those images of times I had spent with my friends replayed over and over again to torture me and make my decision much more harder to make.