Don't Panic!

Goodbye

Hi. I know, I know, I told you I would work on this story and one day finish it. And maybe someday I will write this story again, better than ever, but not today. 

Today, I say goodbye.

This story was always semi-autobiographical. I started writing it when I joined college and thought I finally had it all figured out. Daemon was who I saw myself at the start of college and Sirius was who I saw myself as in school.

But I've realised since then that I didn't have it all figured out. There are always more things yet to happen. The story is always being written. But here's the story so far:

I never did get to be with Iza. It broke my heart but I had to let her go because I realized that I wanted more than my own happiness was to see her happy. Right now, she's already on the path to greatness and I'm not entirely sure she realizes even today just how amazing she is.

After a year of fighting my parents, they finally gave in and let me go to an arts college. I spent three years in Bangalore supposedly learning Journalism, Psychology and English. Over those three years, I have experienced everything I wanted to in school. I fell in love, got drunk, got high, had a near-death experience, lost my virginity, lost my purpose in life, regained it and lost it again. Most importantly, I found friends who loved me for who I am. 

I have also done things I thought I would never do. Things that sometimes make me think I'm a monster. But these last three years have been a lifetime and I would not have it any other way. 

See, growing up with two brothers who outdid me at every turn meant that I never got much attention growing up. All my life I have wanted to be seen because if the world doesn't see me then I don't exist. I wanted to be seen so badly that I created a whole imaginary multiverse in my head full of people who were waiting on my every word. I've always wanted to be the Hero but you can't be the Hero without someone to look shocked and amazed at your actions. Every Sherlock needs a Watson.

It was this need to be seen, to have an audience, that made me want to be a writer, an artist, a musician, everything that I have ever become. But truth be told, I don't think I want that anymore.

I am finally happy to be whatever I am without worrying about what sort of a story I am writing. I'm finally ready to stop wanting an audience to laugh and clap at everything I do. 

I don't know if this means I'm going to stop writing. I should hope not because I genuinely do enjoy creating worlds. Godhood comes naturally to me and literature is how man exercises his divinity most freely. 

What I do know is that I no longer need to write this story anymore. I'm not Sirius and I'm not Daemon either. And I don't need to be seen. I'm content just to be. 

I am finally free.