Needles to say I started to turn the wheels to the path where I could at least pour my emotions into. My mom is working her ass off since last summer, my sister has gone overseas because of her work and I'm stuck here, in this odd lifeless world. Alone.
Counting my steps towards the person I wanted to talk to. The last time I've been here was before my Dad died. It felt just like yesterday when I lost one of the important persons in my life besides my Dad.
"Hi Josh." I said as I approach his tomb. I wipe away the dust covering his grave and sat down next to him.
"Its been awhile since I've been here. You think because I'm mad I'll just forget about everything, even you." I let out a small chuckle and caress his tombstone. "But I don't. I won't. "
"It's just..my world has been turning down lately, I mean, I shouldn't be bothered about it because its life but..I am." I pursed my lips and stared blankly at the sky.
"Why am I experiencing all this shit anyway? Am I that bad of a person? Or am I the worst? My mom doesn't care about me, my sister is million miles away, my Dad left me and you.." I look at Josh's tomb. "The only person that actually understand me. Left me."
"Its my first day in school. And you know about the popular students being..popular, you know what I mean? Yeah and.. "
"I miss you Josh. I miss my bestfriend, I miss my boyfriend. I miss you so much." I let my tear fall and on and on.
After one hour or so, I managed to drag myself towards the front door of my home. Somehow, this place is where I dreaded the most. This reminds me of the memories that I wish I could replay everytime I missed it and just be in the moment.
There were boxes across the front door that were left unwrapped and two cars rolling out towards my house. What is going on? Instead of entering my house I, I waited for the two cars to arrive.
A guy from the first car jump off his seat and took some boxes from his trunk. He was a middle age man, probably in his early fourties wearing a hat. I eyed him carefully, while he was setting those boxes in my front. He didn't actually feel my presence for a few minutes, he was wearing earphones alright, so that counts.
After several minutes he was startled when I appeared in his front. He took off his earphones and muttered something. I tilt my head towards the boxes he was setting in my front door indicating 'what the hell are these boxes doing my porch' ?
"Sorry. You must be Summer, I'm Derek." He offered his hand to shake but I crossed my arms and tilt my head again towards the boxes.
"Okay." He then again deposited his hands on his pockets. "Well, this is harder than I thought." he muttered. "Wait let me call Carol."
What the hell is mom connected to these boxes anyways?!
I watched Derek as he dial Mom's number. The other car has gone and the other boxes were on my porch. Too many boxes, what are these anyways? Charity?
Derek walk away from me, he didn't want me to hear their conversation. Alright. I'll hear it later anyways. I sat in the swing we have near the windows in the porch, yes we have a swing here. This is where my Dad would wait for me everytime we had plans and I was in school. He made this swing.
Two hours later. I found myself sitting beside Dad's grave. I sat down and arranged the flowers I bought before I came here. I also managed to get his favorite whiskey in the bar where I used to work.
~
The drama in the house is priceless. I can't even look at my mother without a disgusted look painted in my face. I can't even breathe in the same room as her. Why does she have to move on that fast? It has only been months. And she already found another man? What the hell is happening?
I wiped Dad's tomb with a tissue and stare at it blankly for three minutes. Trying to dig in the words I am trying to say to him. I don't know if he'll hear me or he'll answer my questions but I just need him to know what I'm doing. Because as far as I know. I am not in my great level.
"Dad, its been three months. I still can't believe time flies that fast. Hell, I can't even believe you are not with me anymore." I started to say, this at least he knows I am not moving on.
"Dad, why you left? Dad, my life is ruined. It is totally wrecked. Dad, I can't believe mom. Of all people I thought she knew better! Dad she is engaged Dad! She is! Marrying someone! She is going to get married! I can't believe her Dad. Forgive me but I can't accept her. I just.." I cried.
"Why? Why am I experiencing these Dad? Answer me Dad!" I keep on shouting at his tomb, asking questions that I know he'll not answer back. I look like a crazy woman shouting with no one.
Or maybe I am. My life is so fucked up I can't even believe it. The wind blows quietly and the cemetery is so noise free-lonely, the only sound I could only hear is my crying. The sobs I let out despite the fact that I am alone.
I know I should be scared because it's coming late already. But somehow I am not, I am not scared anymore about darkness since my life can be darker than where I am standing.
8 pm sharp I arrived at the house, the lights were still on and I can hear Mom talking to someone I don't recognize the voice, they were having their conversation on the living room. I don't want to intrude, I maybe angry at her and the world but I am not that complicated. I respect them, even though their decisions aren't worth respecting for.
Derek came as I was just about to turn around. He came home from work though I don't know if he'll call this home alright, he just moved in here. I didn't acknowledge his presence even though he smiled at me. I wanted to punch him hard in the face and yell at him, but as I said earlier I respect humans.
I managed to drag my feet to my room since I have a terrace and I used to climb through it whenever I'd be grounded. I changed my clothes into pyjamas and a worn out shirt in the drawer. I brushed my teeth, I wasn't planning eating with Mom and her husband-to-be, when I can't accept it.
She has the nerve to invite him here and let him live here. What was she thinking? Did she really moved on? Or did she ever love Dad? Since Dad died I haven't seen her go to the cemetery except me. My sister is abroad and did not dare to call, I wonder how is she dealing with this and that, did Mom ever told her in this situation?
No she didn't because if Mom did, my sister wouldn't agree. Yes she won't. Hell its only been three months since Dad dies and she already replaced him?
I heard a knock on the door and felt it open, I was laying my bed and can't sleep at all but I pretended to in case if Mom'll scold me for not having a decent comeback to Derek earlier and do I care ? Her husband-to-be and I were not close and I hope it stays that way. I don't want him replacing Dad because he can't and will not ever be.
And Mom? I could say I won't talk to her and beside I'm sixteen and two years after this I'm legally on my own and I'm thinking I should look out for myself and escape this house once and for all.
