thirty nine

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"Wait!" Gabbie yelled. My hand, which was funneling Doritos into my mouth at a rapid rate, froze just an inch before my lips. "He said what?"

I had cancelled work the second I left school. I told them I had the flu. I knew I was going to go home and cry, and I didn't want to go to work after looking crazy. They were mad I didn't call earlier, but they didn't fire me, because apparently, I "sounded like death"... if only they knew.

Upon my stop at Taco Bell to order a twelve pack of Cinnabon delights to wallow away my sorrows in, I spotted Corinna and Gabbie leaving with two bags in their hands. Or, rather, they spotted me.

"Oh my god, Mona?" Corinna gasped just before they reached Gabbie's Toyota. I turned in shock, completely embarrassed by my raggedy appearance and my heavy breathing. "Hey! Are you okay?"

"Uh, no," I breathed out a shaky laugh. "Everything is so bad."

"Wanna come back to mine?" Gabbie asked, a genuine smile on her face. "We could talk about it. We love gossiping."

I thought about it for a moment. I had no one else to talk to. I couldn't tell Everleigh and Giselle about my eating habits as of late; it was all too familiar to eighth grade and freshman year, and I didn't want them to worry about me. I could at least try to convince Gabbie and Corinna it was some diet trend, and not that I was intentionally starving myself. I wasn't anorexic, I didn't have an eating disorder, and I didn't want anyone to think so.

"Uh, yeah... text me your address and I'll see you there."

And that's how it happened. I was eating Taco Bell and doritos on Gabbie's bedroom floor, explaining the conversation David and I had, when Gabbie stopped me.

"Wait!" Gabbie yelled. My hand, which was funneling Doritos into my mouth at a rapid rate,
froze just an inch before my lips. "He said what?"

"That he loved me," I repeated with raised eyebrows, showing them I was just as shocked and confused as they were. "I know. And he said it, like, five separate times."

"Oh my god," Corinna and Gabbie shared an indecipherable look. "Oh my god. Did you say it back?"

"No!" I replied. "I ran away."

"You did what?"

"He said it, and I ran away."

"That is... not good," Corinna sighed. "Saveable, but not good."

"I'm still stuck on the fact that he told her," Gabbie said, then turned to me. "Did you know that David has not told a single person he loved them in, what is it, seven years? David loves us, clearly he does, but he hasn't told us. He hasn't told his dad, or Sam, or anyone since his mom died."

"Oh."

It was all I could manage, the information too shocking and terrifying. Why would he say it if it wasn't true? But at the same time, how could he say it when he hadn't said it in seven years?

I noticed in my thinking that Gabbie and Corinna were having their own side conversation.

"Should one of us go?" Gabbie asked her, a concerned look on her face. "I mean, she didn't say i back. He's probably messed up right now."

"Are you crazy?" Corinna whisper-yelled back, her eyes flickering towards me. I acted like I was too wrapped up in my last few Cinnabons to notice. "She's our friend right now, not David. We're not leaving her."

"Okay, jeez," Gabbie raised her eyebrows. "It was just a suggestion. Mona, do you love him, too?"

"Huh?"

"Do you love him, too?" she asked in a much slower and much more condescending tone.

"I'm not twelve," I snapped back, not in the mood to pretend I wasn't a bitch. "I don't know. I've never loved someone before. I mean, obviously I love my friends and my family, but that's not the same, you know? I've never been in love with someone before, and all of this is really fucking stressful, and—"

"Mona!" Corinna interrupted, and then in a softer tone said, "Do you love Sam in the way that you love us, or Giselle and Everleigh? Do you love him like a friend?"

"Yes?" I frowned, not catching onto her point.

"If it was Sam that didn't want to go up to the lake on the anniversary of Talulah's death, would you have told him he was selfish for not going? Would you have worried about him the way you worried about David?"

"No," I answered.

"Well... there's your answer."

It was subtle, but something shifted. Her reasoning was dumb, but she was right. I didn't care about David the way I cared about everyone else, not because he was my boyfriend, but because I loved him. Not in a friendly way, not in a brotherly way, but in a holy fuck, I love you way.

"I think... I have to go," I stood.

"You have to go?" Corinna raised her eyebrows excitedly.

"I have to go," I repeated, snatching the half full bag of Doritos off the floor. "I'm taking these. I'll pay you back tomorrow, Gabbie."

"Don't worry about it," Gabbie shrugged. "Good luck!"

I practically sped all the way to David's house, which was only a few miles from Gabbie's. David, oddly enough, lived on the poorer side of Vernon Hills; he just had a multimillion dollar mansion and several acres of land instead of the typical cottages on tiny plots.

It didn't take long to get there, which only made me more nervous. I didn't have time to plan my thoughts out. Whatever I said would either be perfect or disastrous, and I would only know once I said it.

Instead of knocking on the door, I chose to climb the ladder David strategically placed near his window for any emergency exits I had to make. I wasn't sure if John was home, but I really didn't want to go through him while my mind was reeling like it was.

At the top of the ladder, I peeked through the crack in the curtain to ensure David was on his bed, and once I saw a bit of leg, I knocked. He immediately sat up, staring at me through the crack while I waved like a maniac. I was by no means athletic, and the climb up had completely worn me out.

The window slid open a few seconds later, and I climbed in with a huff.

"What are you doing here?" David laughed when I finally settled onto the edge of his bed. "Why didn't you just use the door? The ladder is for emergencies only."

"This is an emergency," I shrugged, taking a deep breath. "You know, if it was Sam, I wouldn't have made him go to the lake house. I wouldn't have planted the idea that he was hurting you and John by not going. I wouldn't have done that with Sam. I would've let him be miserable alone."

"Okay," David replied, recognizing that I was trying to get somewhere with what I was saying. "Why not?"

"It's not my place to say it to him. He's my friend, but I can't just say shit that I think will make his life better. It's not my place."

"Okay, so why can you say it to me?"

"Because I love you."

I expected it to be more of a revelation than it was. I expected tears or at least a dropped jaw or a gasp, but I didn't get it. David placed one of his hands on my right cheek and then pressed my left cheek to his face.

"I know, sweetheart," he said with a content smile. "You think I couldn't tell?"

I laughed, pulling out of his grip just so I could kiss him.

It was pretty obvious, in hindsight. When just thinking about them gives you the butterflies... that's when you know you're screwed.




i love them...... i love them! i love them ! i really love them so much.

also the song doesnt really have anything to do with the chapter, but it reminds me of them!!

xoxo abby

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