all that glitters » david dobrik au

forty three

I spent the next three weeks in a clinic in Chicago, getting back on track with my meds, speaking to a well-renowned therapist, and learning how to eat again. The good thing was, once I was back on my meds, the eating disorder just sort of... faded. I still had to force myself to eat sometimes, and I still had to remind myself that carbs weren't the enemy, but I was becoming happier and more well rounded by the day.

I could feel myself becoming stronger, which only made me want to recover more. My feet weren't constantly purple and freezing, my hands weren't shaky, I wasn't seeing stars when standing up. It all felt right to me. On the medication, I was feeling like my old self again, the me before my parent's deaths and the me before my anorexia. Three weeks in the clinic didn't make me perfect, but it did make me want to try, which was enough for my counselors to send me home. I did have to get back to school, you know.

Someone (presumably David) had been dropping off my school work for me at the clinic every few days, so I stayed caught up and had something to keep me busy. What I didn't expect from the clinic is that they'd take my phone, so all I did all day was school work. The TV in the rec room was always, always on the news, and I just wasn't that interested in current events. I also took up knitting, which my newfound friend Mersadi taught me.

Mersadi was 14, and without a doubt the thinnest girl I had ever seen in my entire life. When they showed you girls with anorexia in your ninth grade health class, this is what they meant. She was literally bones with a thin layer of seemingly transparent skin on top. It was humbling to look at her. If I let it eat away at me like it did her, I could end up just like her, or even worse... dead.

She was extremely nice, and also taught me all her tricks to make it look like I was gaining weight, if I wanted to use them. I was sure her doing that instead of addressing the problem was what got her here in the first place, so I ignored them. Plus, sticking a roll of quarters up both my vagina and ass and waddling to the scale didn't seem like the best thing for me. She told me I could probably put them under my boobs in my bra, but to be careful because they always patted her down before she stepped on the scale.

I decided then that I wanted to get better. I still had somewhat of a control over my mind, and I wanted to keep it that way. As nice and as helpful as Mersadi was, I didn't want to end up like her.

When my three weeks were up and I was back to some semi-normal eating habits, I was returned to my grandparents, who welcomed me with open arms. I think they were glad to have me back after three weeks gone. They never were good at the whole "empty nester" thing.

I was thankful to be back. As nice as the staff and patients at the clinic were, you never got used to sleeping in a different bed or hearing girls throwing up in the middle of the night when only the negligent night staff could hear. What I was worried about now was David.

We had broken up so I could get better. Of course, he and his friends were still my only friends that didn't live in Houston or an ED recovery clinic, so I'd have to see him. He was my best friend, but did I call him once I got home? Did I tell him I was feeling better? Did we pick back up where we left off? Could we pick back up where we left off?

The questions were endless and each one made me more nervous for Monday morning. Not only was I worried about what everyone would say about my absence and the fact that I was once again busting out of my school uniform, I was freaking out about how to act around David. We were friends before we started dating, but we were never just friends... at least, not in my head. The nights we spent sitting in his car or in his bed talking and laughing but not touching were just as important to our relationship as the nights we did other things. Did I even know how to be just friends with David?

Well, I was about to find out.

"Mona!" Corinna yelled after me as I passed her in the hall, pushing away a flirtatious Ilya Fedorovich to fall in step beside me. "How was Houston? You look great! It must be the sunshine there, huh?"

Houston. David must have told everyone I went to Houston for three weeks. I had to applaud the boy; he was quick on his feet, and always thinking of me.

"It was nice," I smiled in response. "Much needed. How've you been?"

Corinna went on and on about how Ilya was all over her at a party two weeks ago, and how she was considering breaking up with Alex just to date him.

"Why're you even dating Alex anyway?" I asked with a frown. "You cheat on him, like, all the time. Does he not know?"

"Do you not know?" Corinna's jaw dropped in shock. She stopped in the middle of the hallway to stare at me with a dumbfounded expression. "Oh my god, you don't know! David never told you!"

"Told me what?" I acted confused. I was nosy, and I didn't want to let on to the fact that David told me it was none of my business. If she could just tell me, that would be wonderful.

"Oh my god, come here," she grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the nearest bathroom, checking under each stall for feet before locking the main door. "I can't believe you don't know."

"Know what?"

"Alex is gay," Corinna told me. "Like, completely fucking gay."

"Are... are you serious?" I furrowed my eyebrows, showing my confusion. "He's... he hates gay people! He hates Zane and Heath. What the fuck? Are you sure?"

"Am I sure?" Corinna mocked with a laugh. "I've been his beard for the past four years. Of course I'm sure. Don't tell anyone I told you, though. Alex likes to keep it private, obviously."

"Why doesn't he just... not have a girlfriend? I'm sure no one would think he's gay if you guys weren't dating."

"He came out to his parents in eighth grade, and his dad broke his nose," Corinna told me, her expression suddenly turning sad. "Within two weeks, we decided this is how we were going to do it. His dad, I guess, thought he changed him. This is just how we do it now."

"That is... wow," was all I could say, cursing when the two minute warning bell rang. "I have to go. I'll see you in lit."

I had almost made it to my first period when I heard the all too familiar voice behind me.

"Mona Lisa, you better turn around and give me a hug before I deadleg you."

hi i have the flu and im on a bunch of meds and im on a restrictive 600 calorie no carb diet for the next month so i think im delusional. if this sucks someone tell me

also fun fact if u read origins which i only posted like 6 chapters of before deleting, that was the plotline kinda. corinna was gay and hiding it by dating alex who was fooling around with wren who felt bad bc she was the other woman until alex told her corinna was gay

xoxo abby