Natalie & King

Ch. 24

Chapter Twenty Four

Natalie

What I remember the most about being with Daren besides the abuse was the way it felt when I should have followed my gut. The first time I let him charm me, I had a nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I knew I had no business with him. I should have followed my gut the first time my intuition ever spoke to me. And now that I was sitting on the bed at 4am waiting for Kohle to come home, I couldn't ignore that same exact feeling. But this time it was worse. I couldn't shake it and fall asleep even after Bay brought me to cloud nine with her tongue. I glanced over my shoulder at Bay's sleeping body. She was out like a light, thanks to me and now I had nothing but silence and a head full of unwanted thoughts to keep me company.

The second time I felt this overwhelming ache in my chest, I was in the passenger seat and Daren was driving faster than every car on the road. By then, I knew not to ask him certain questions. It would have been a bad night for me if the wrong one slipped from my mouth. That night, something felt off and I could barely shake it off. When the car stopped, he told me not to move before he ran inside a rundown house with glass scattered all over the front yard. He left the car running, which was something he never did and all I could do was sit there, not moving a muscle. Everything in my body told me to jump behind the wheel and leave without looking back. I would be free. My mind, body and heart wouldn't be tainted had I followed my gut and fled that day.

That was the same night I asked the wrong question. The same night Daren tied me up to his metal bedframe and raped me over and over. With his hands squeezing the life out of me, he gave me King without my consent. The rest of that night is a blur. As hard as I tried to keep the thoughts of Daren away, they always came and when they did, I couldn't help but feel sick. Technically, Daren is dead because of me. Because I didn't follow my gut, the father of my child is dead and I was shadowed with guilt. Now, the same feeling kept me awake. Where is Kohle? The last time he answered the phone, he was shaken up from being questioned at the police station. He said he had something to take care of and he would be home later. Those were the same words Daren said to me before he was shot on his way to his car. If I would have followed my gut after hearing Daren's rivals plotting on him, he would still be alive. Or would he? He wasn't the smartest street guy alive but he wasn't dumb either. I was supposed to have his back no matter how many times he abused me but the thought of someone else taking his life instead of me made it so much easier to sleep at night. King was the best thing in my life and it felt like Daren was deadest on beating me in front of him.

I kept quiet about knowing anything about the drive-by for a number of reasons. The main one was to get him out of our life. It took three days for me to figure out the code to his safe that he paid a visit to everyday. That was the first time I followed my gut. The morning after his body was taken to the morgue, I emptied the safe of all its money and moved King and I into a small trailer out of the ghetto and away from Daren's associates. Hiding in a trailer park was comfortable and it felt safe. For a small time, I imagined raising King there forever. I should have followed my gut and left Kohle wondering about me instead of getting pregnant with his baby and getting into a relationship with him. I wasn't the best at following my instincts, clearly, but this was stronger than any other feeling. I couldn't get the anxiety to ease in my chest. The baby kicked lightly.

"Are you still mad at me baby?" Bay's voice left me shuddering. I rubbed my hands thru my tangled curls and shrugged my shoulders in the dark as if she could see me.

"No." that was partly the truth. I wasn't mad at her, I just wasn't happy with her either. After arguing with me for an hour, she ignored me until she was ready to talk, 8 hour later. Why wouldn't I be mad at her? At the moment, sex made it easy to forget the feeling that covered my skin with goosebumps but now that neither of us was driven by desire, it was all I could feel with her awake next to me.