Natalie & King

Ch.27

Kohle

My body felt numb to the touch. Every bone in my back felt like it was broken and I needed to take a shower badly. The last 72 hours without Natalie, Bay and King were killin' me. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything but pray Natalie would stop givin' me the silent treatment. Bay answered her phone a 2/5 times I called her. She was right though, there wasn't anything to say. I had to pay for the crime Tay talked me into committing and he was dead. Tay was dead and I was in jail...

Mom didn't understand the charges I had weren't petty. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was bein' charged with three first degree murders and possibly the death sentence. She would find out soon enough though. So would dad. He was gon' be the most disappointed but there wasn't anyone more disappointed in me than myself. How could I let this happen to me?

I was sick to my stomach and speechless as I sat in the small cell. It was so small; it didn't feel like I could stretch my legs out comfortably. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw King's smile. I could hear his laugh echoin' off the dirty walls and it was startin' to drive me crazy. I know Natalie hates me... Once I saw the cop car get behind me, I should have called Natalie. Now I knew callin' her phone was pointless, she wasn't gon' answer. I missed her just like I missed Bay, to the point I felt it in my chest. It was a physical pain I never knew existed but now that it was in my chest, it wouldn't go away. Bein' locked up only made it worse. Not bein' able to see them and kiss them and just be around my family...broke me.

It took four days for me to feel somethin' other than sorrow. On the fifth day, anger slipped into my veins and boiled every time I thought about bein' away from my family. I was angry at myself for ruinin' my life. I had everything and now...

"You good?" the voice was my cellmate, Gino. He was too tall for the dingy top bunk but every time he complained about it, it went unnoticed. Gino had long corn rolls and a beard on top of brown skin scattered with scars. His arms were just as long as his legs. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I'm aight."

"You ain't ever been locked up before, huh?" Gino's voice was deep. Everything about him told me this wasn't his first time in jail. I nodded. He closed the book he was readin' and did an awkward back roll from his bed, onto his feet.

"You goin' to the big house or just doin' lil' time?" he crossed his arms with his chest stickin' out enough for me to notice.

"Big house, probably. You doin' lil' time?"

"Nah, ain't no point in takin' this shit to trial. What they getchu for?" Gino's attention was on me instead of one of the several books I had seen him read. We didn't usually talk. He stayed to himself and I did the same. It worked out for me. If he heard me cry the first and second night, he never said anything about it. For that, he had my respect.

"I got 3 murder charges." I sighed and nodded my head at him, askin' a question without sayin' a word. Gino looked at me and slipped his hands behind his back. His jaw clenched tightly before he let out a breath.

"Armed robbery, grand theft auto, vehicular manslaughter and kidnappin'."

"Wow." I couldn't think to say anything else. He was still starin' at me like he knew me from somewhere. My stomach flipped. Gino came closer until he was close enough to kneel in front of me.

"3?"

"Yeah..."

"How did you do it?" he questioned while he kept his eyes on me. I shrugged my shoulders and re-positioned myself so he wasn't so close. His eyes followed my movement.

"Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't, I just wanna know who I'm sharin' a cell with." He leveled a glare at me. His eyebrows were bushy and almost close enough to have a unibrow. I nodded my head.

"Drive-by." I don't know what I expected Gino to say but I didn't expect him to nod his head and then return to the top bunk without another word. I sat back and closed my eyes. It was pointless to see my lawyer next week. I didn't want to be humiliated just to be found guilty and I didn't even know if Natalie or Bay would show up to court. Most likely not. Anger blurred my vision for a split second.

My heart didn't beat the same as it did when I was with Natalie and Bay. My chest felt empty now, like I had a whole where my heart used to be. I could feel my eyes start stingin' when I let the thoughts of my unborn babies creep into mind. Up until now, I kept the thoughts away. But now, it was all I could think about. They would grow up without me around. Would they get another boyfriend and forget about me while I rotted in prison? The thought left me in a cold sweat. My mind always wandered in the middle of the night but tonight was bad. I couldn't dodge the depression that sunk in.

Is this why Tay shot himself? To prevent his mind from goin' crazy? Because now, I understood more than before. I understood the love he had for Mariah but my heart was split into five pieces. Heartache was foreign to me and I didn't like it. I pulled the dingy, itchy, green blanket over my shoulders and closed my eyes but I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was my babies. I didn't even know the names they picked out or when the baby shower was gon' happen, I was clueless. It felt like I was already so far behind and it hadn't even been two weeks. I felt like my brain was swellin' with unwanted thoughts but no matter how hard I tried to stop thinkin', that only made me think harder.

Finally, I sat up and listened to the hollerin' in the pod. There was no way I was gonna sleep tonight and I accepted it. After listenin' to someone scream for thirty minutes straight, I pulled out a blank piece of paper and searched for somethin' to write with. I borrowed Gino's barely sharpened pencil and took a deep breath.

'Natalie. I know u probably don't wanna hear shit I got to say but I really am sorry. I ain't mean for King to see me get arrested. Fuck, I wish to God I could go back in time and do shit differently. We wouldn't be where we are. I'd be right there wit u and Bay. I'm sick as fuck without ya'll... I never thought this shit was gon happen to me. I never thought I would lose ya'll. Don't nobody alive make me happier than u, Bay and King. I'm sorry I won't make it to meet the girls. I've never regretted anything til now. I regret ever puttin myself in the position to lose u. And King. I never really used the word before but I love u Natalie. And I love King too. I don't expect anything from u. I know ur life gon go on without me...but if shit does go down and I have to serve all my time...at least write me back? Please...

Talk soon...Kohle.

I put the pencil down and looked over my sloppy handwrittin'. When I was satisfied with it the letter, I pulled another empty sheet of paper out and wrote Bay a letter next. After Bay's, I wrote King a letter and apologized for lettin' him down. That was when I felt the lump in my throat turn into hot tears runnin' down my face. King wasn't mine biologically but he was my son. He had a permanent place in my heart just like Natalie did. King showed me what it felt like to be genuinely loved. He didn't care about any of the bad things in the world yet, he was still all smiles.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Images of King sittin' on the bottom bunk, alone, made it hard to breathe. I was supposed to be with him tonight but I couldn't do anything but sit here with my thoughts haunting me. I let him down more than anybody. How could he look up to someone in prison? It was stupid of me to think Natalie would let me keep in contact with him from behind bars. He couldn't even read but that didn't stop me from signing my name and then scribbling it out, replacin' it with 'Daddy' instead. Either Natalie would give him the letter...or she wouldn't. Only time would tell...