how to not die alone(on hold)

tell me how you feel, please

my memorys stuck like a broken record on
the metallic taste that came with
ripping open your throat,
-not for violence, i'm not like you
for something personal.
and when i did it i
used my teeth because they're raw and
jagged and hard and
i hoped that the saying
'you are what you eat' also meant
what you eat becomes what you ate it with because
i wanted raw,
i wanted vulnerable and helpless or
i wanted angry and spilling
i wanted you to tell me how you felt.
so i could stop feeling at all.

but i was left with
that metallic taste like the highest note on the piano
such an ugly noise
i listened to it for so long before
it started ringing in my ears
when you spoke
your words like a melody in that
they were prewritten and you were only
the composer
and i didnt like that.
i didnt like that i was laying out my spine
like a xylophone for you to play
while you handed me your sheet music
and ranted when i didnt dance.

after i tore open your throat
it was disapointing that
all i found was a spinal chord. that
your vocal box was long corroded, and
there was only a cassette tape in its place. so

i couldnt help it when i came undone
like a guitar string tightened until it snapped.
i wanted raw and you had nothing
and now im spineless and theres blood in my mouth
and i just wanted some music.