Chapter 37

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We been home two weeks and the adjustment to not having Kay has been heartbreaking at best. I have had the hardest time not picking up the phone in the mornings and calling her. I still call every morning to check on pop but it wasn't the same." There was a shift in everyone's demeanor Joe had suddenly became increasingly quite pushing everyone besides the kids and me away. The kids just seemed off I haven't been able to put my finger on it they just seemed off. It was a quite evening home everyone was at the table having dinner. It was another silient meal, no one spoke Joe just pushed his chicken parmigiana around with his fork. "Boo you alright""Fine""you barely touched dinner do you not like it""no it good just not really hungry""you've been not really hungry every night since we been home""Bella I don't want to talk about this""no Joe we need too to talk about this""no Bella not infront of the kids""not in front of the kids huh, kids will you excuse daddy and I for a minute." We walked into the office closing the door, "Alright Joe we need to talk""Bella no we don't""you always said you can talk to me and now you want to push me away""I'm not pushing you away""yes you are Joe. I get that Ma is gone and your still trying to cope with it but we have 6 kids downstairs that are watching you looking at you on how to cope with this too.""Of course you say that""what's that supposed to mean""it means the person who meant everything to me growing up is gone, you don't have any idea what I feel like." Now I know he was still grieving but that was a blow I never expected from him. "Ok listen to me I get it and It's bullshit that I don't know how you feel. I watched my father die in front of me well on the phone with 911 waiting for a ambulance that wouldn't make it in time. I sat on top of my father pounding on his chest trying to get his heart to beat again. Just to have the paramedics call him as soon as they arrived. Don't you fucking dare tell me I don't know what it feels like to loose a parent."
The tears poured from my eyes and his. "Bella I'm sorry it's just I can't seem to process the fact I can't just pick up the phone and call her""baby I know I've done this, but instead of shutting me off talk to me, we have 6 kids in there that need us to help them get through this too""I know""let's get back in there with the kids.

Over the next week I like to say that we had made progress getting back to normal but it hasn't. The kids all have woken up over the passed several nights with dreams of Kay. I was laying in bed reading Joe was asleep and all the kids have been in bed for the last couple hours. I was about to put my book away and knock out for the night when I heard noise coming from the room across the hall and Duke whimpering, it was Dravens room. I crawled out of bed and walked across the hall, my heart broke the minute I had stepped in all I heard was "grandma no, don't go grandma please I'll be a good boy". A tear slid from my eye, I leaned next to the bed shaking Draven slightly "Drav...Draven baby wake up... Draven" his eyes flew up and he jumps up in the bed "mommy""Drav baby I'm here""mommy...grandma she""what baby it's ok you can tell me". I was heartbroken at the sight Draven hair matted down from the sweat from the tossing and turning his skin pale and his blue eyes darkened as his body shakes. "Draven baby it was a dream" I pull him into my arms and hold him close as I feel his shoulders shake as he cried. "Mommy I had a dream that grandma died again and I couldn't convince her to stay and not leave us." "Baby she didn't want to leave anyone but god needed her to be a special angel for him and he called her""I miss her mommy"" I know you do we all do but you know what when you miss grandma talk to her she hears you.""That doesn't work""yes it does I talk to my sister Nova all the time""I didn't know you have a sister mommy""yes you have a Aunt Nova she died 2 yrs ago.""How she die mommy""she had a accident and she took to much medicine, so god thought it would be a good time to bring her to heaven and make her mommy's angel""do you miss her""everyday but when I miss her I talk to her and she hears me.""So you think if I talk to grandma when I miss her she will hear me""yes she will""you sure mommy""yes buddy""mommy""yes""can I sleep in the room with you and daddy""yes buddy grab bear bear and come on." He through his arms around me holding me tight. I carried him in putting him in the bed between Joe and I and before I knew it Draven was fast asleep cuddled up with Bear Bear head laying against his daddy. I checked on all the kids one last time before I climbed into the bed turning out the light.

I wasn't asleep long before the dream happened. My body began tossing and turning as I relived Novas last moments. Before I knew it I was standing in the room of Newcomers funeral home alone staring at my sister laying in her white casket dressed in the all white Chanel outfit I had picked out. "Baby R" I turned to see Nova sitting in the chair, "Nova but your""come here sit with me sissy" I look back to see Nova in the coffin and back to still see her sitting in the chair. Tears began to pour as I walked down sitting next to her. "Nova""Sissy""I miss you why""sissy don't cry""why Nova""it was a accident I never wanted to leave you""then why did you""It was my time to go""I need you""you have Joe now and he is always going to take care of you""how do you know""because I was the one who brought you two together.""Why because a certain higher power said that you two were meant to be together". "Nova how do I help him get through this with his mom because I still can't get passed this with you""Kay wants him happy and she is happy and healthy now""how do you know this""because she told me". I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spin around, "Hello darling""Kay.. your""I'm alright and happy please tell Joesph""Kay.. Ma""please take care of the children and Joesph and when princess comes just know I will be there" with a kiss to my cheek she was gone. I turned back to Nova, "sissy I only have another moment just remember I'm always with you and the kids and I'm taking care of the baby I was there to bring her home and will always till we're all together."" Nova don't go""I have too I love you""love you" with that she was gone.

I jolted up in the bed tears still pouring. I looked over at Draven and Joe sleeping and I slide out the bed trying to not wake them. It was 5:15 in the morning when I looked over at the clock next to the bed, 5:15 the exact time Nova died and I knew that that wasn't just a dream but Nova did visit and she brought Kay with her. I walked into the kitchen flipping on the light. I put in a KCup the the Keurig and made coffee knowing I wasn't going back to bed. After it was finished I headed into The living room falling down onto the couch. "Well Nova I know that was you visiting that wasn't just a dream. Thanks for bringing Kay. Girl you gotta help me get him and the kids through this." I sat back talking to Nova for what felt like forever till Joe had came downstairs. "What you doing up so early""had a dream of Nova....and you mom and couldn't fall back to sleep""that's weird I had a dream of mom too""really wanna talk about it""I had a dream that I was in the office and mom suddenly appeared and told me she was happy and healthy and she looked good. She said she is with the baby and that she will always watching over us but I need to move forward." "Baby""what was your dream""that Nova was always with me and...""and what""your mom was there""what she say""that's she was ok and to take care of you and the kids. That's your mom letting us know she is alright.""You think""I do". We sat quietly together for a few moments but it didn't last too long the kids all started coming down.

The kids sat in the living room with the kids watching cartoons well I made breakfast. After that dream or visit or whatever that was last night I have a new found clarity and peace and by Joe's demeanor when he came down I think it had helped him too.  I finished up breakfast placing the plates on the table. "Breakfast" a few seconds later the stampede came running in and to the table. "Draven you feeling better buddy""yes mommy thank you""Bella what's going on""Draven had a upsetting dream last night about your mom so I brought him in bed with us""Mommy""Yea Khad""I had a dream of Auntie Nova and Grandma Kay last night" Joe and I both look up at eachother. "What was it about""Auntie Nova told me she loves me and she watches over all of us and grandma Kay told me she loved me and will always be here." "I had a dream like that last night""so did I" "babe""I don't know Joe""What you guys talking about""nothing guys""mommy Just tell us""well I think Grandma Kay came to you guys when you were sleeping to let you guys know she was alright and always there""can she do that""she can let me ask you guys have you been having a hard time and bad dreams since grandma died""yes""why didn't you tell us""because you were always sad too""we were never to sad to help you""really""yes, did your visit from grandma and aunt Nova help""yes""good and you know if you talk to Grandma or Aunt Nova they can hear you""you sure""I am I talk to Aunt Nova all the time."

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