𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘌 𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘌, 𝘔𝘠 𝘓𝘐𝘓' 𝘉𝘜𝘕𝘕𝘠...「𝘑𝘐𝘒𝘖𝘖𝘒/𝘒𝘖𝘖𝘒𝘔𝘐𝘕 𝘍𝘍」

60

After some time, I had to go home. Before I left, I texted Jonghyun and cuddled Jungkook to sleep. I don't know how I'll be able to fall asleep today.. I'm scared. Not that much about me, but more about Jungkook. What if Kai's father will poison him.. what if he'll die??! I questioned myself so many times... but I asked for another doctor to take care of Jungkook. They accepted my wish.. at least, I could go home with a bit less stress.. I sat in the car and rode home. The ride through town is so peaceful.. but lonely. I parked the car in the garage and went home. The silence wrecked me.. how am I supposed to fall asleep without cuddles? I just closed and locked the door. I didn't forget to take my gun from the car, so I had it with me all the time, just in case.. I took a shower, took a bottle of coke to the bedroom, turned all the lights off and lied in bed. I put the gun and bottle on the bedside table and tried falling asleep. After some time I started thinking about Jungkook.. it made me fall asleep easier and after a while, I was fully asleep. But I woke up in the middle of the night. Something felt extremely wrong.. I checked my gun. It was on the table as well as the bottle.. but all this felt wrong. Maybe it was because Jungkook wasn't next to me.. maybe because I felt terrible.. maybe because I was just paranoid.. After a while, I took a sip of coke and put it back on the table. After that I got up, went to the bathroom and washed my face. I looked in the mirror.. ,,Come on Jimin.. Wake up!!" I said and slapped myself. I supported myself against the sink. ,,It's not your fault!" I said in a back of my head... but my mind was wrong. I felt terrible.. I felt like all this is my fault.. if Jungkook wouldn't fall in in love with me, he wouldn't be in hospital right now.. All the things I didn't want to think about were in my head the whole time. I just dried my face with the towel after a few minutes of staring into the mirror and went back to the bedroom. I layed in the bed and stared into the blank space. ,,What should I do.. I don't want him to be hurt again.. as well as his or mine family or friends. All this is just one big mistake, that happened because of me!" I said in my head. I started panicking and crying as I always do. ,,Of Jungkook wouldn't have fallen in love with me, he would be safe.. but I would be lonely.." I said and said this sentence in my head again and again. I cried like this for quite a time and then something caught my attention. I heard the door creaking upstairs. I took the gun and opened the bedroom door. I turned the light on and went upstairs. I opened the door and looked around the room. ,,No one's here.." I said and sat down on the floor. ,,..my imagination is playing with me." I said and laughed nervously. I looked at the ceiling for quite a time. ,, What's wrong with me..?" I said and stood up. I saw a half-closed drawer. I opened it.. there was an album in it. I took it and sat down on the floor again. I looked in it.. there were our photos. Photos of Jungkook and me.. photos that Tae did when we went for a walk.. It was so cute! It made me instantly happy.. there were a lot of notes, but I put them all back and didn't read them. I put it back and turned the light off. I then went tot he kitchen and tried to find some alcohol. I found some wine, so I poured it into a wine glass. I then took notebook and a blanket and put them in the living room. I put the notebook, gun and wine, with a glass on the table and then I sat on the couch. I threw the blanket over me and just starte writing, booking and planning some things. I actually ended up writing poems to Jungkook, that I (fortunately) didn't send him.. I had so many things opened on my computer it got crazy. And after a while I drank the whole wine, which made me fall asleep.