venus ;

promises

we were too drunk. she was drunk. i thought she was joking, she couldn't have done such an atrocity.

but she wasn't that drunk and she wasn't joking, or lying to me. she was being honest and i totally freaked out.

"sure you did, rose." i laughed. i was nervous because of what she said but something didn't fit in.

i had no response for a few seconds, which seemed eternal to me.

"i knew you'd judge me anyways. fuck." she cried as her voice cracked. "i'm completely ruined and lost, you don't get it. don't look at me like that!"

she was completely panicked. she was wasted, she was broken and i thought i'd see her crumble right there. she's strong and i admire her for that. but i was super scared, i was terrified, i was frightened. my muscles turned to stone and my legs were glued to the floor.

"i'm not gonna fucking kill you, get over yourself. it was an accident." she breathed in slowly. "do you think i don't feel guilty? do you think i'm proud of it? i hate myself, i hate who i've become! that's why i'm leaving, i'm losing myself here. i need forgiveness, i need to forgive myself."

"rose..." i interrupted her.

"no, don't talk." she hissed. "i have to move on, i need to move on. but i can't, because every goddamned time i try to sleep, or just close my eyes, i see him. i see his body lying on the cold ground. i can't get him out of my head!"

and i hugged her. i trusted, loved and cared about her.

"everything's gonna be alright, rose." i promised. "i'm here with you."

"but you won't be here when you figure me out, when you figure out what kind of a monster i am." she let go of my hand and walked away to the door.

"why are you so sure?"

"because we always leave." she said and closed the door behind her.