Aces

Chapter 9

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I stared at the ceiling for minutes since I woke up, I still feel numb and I feel even worse when I look at what I cause earlier. I can't believe I gave into it again, I can't believe I let it take me and my brother is right that I can't be or go anywhere without him.

I'm his puppet on strings who needs him to come alive or at least seems alive. I proved him right that I can't take care of myself, that I am a monster and I have no control over myself. The slightest bit of pain I feel I turn to my condition to solve it, I turn to my condition to make it stop.

I shouldn't feed this condition because it'll cause pain for people during and pain for me after I realise what I have done. I am not perfect and am bound to make mistakes but isn't that's why mistakes are made, to learn from them so you do better. Even so though if a mistake can be prevented then that's much better too but what my brother said to me hurt and it hurt enough to make me lose it and rely on my condition to ease the pain.

I just wanted the pain to go away!

Though I wasn't wrong when I said I destroy our family, I did and I was too young and too sick to see it. My mom cry almost everyday since she find out my condition in high school, she always had cried before because her son, the baby one wasn't even looking at her with love.

My brother hug her and my father but I never understand why, I even use to hug her but then I stop because its pointless. I can't feel anything so I don't see why I should pretend so I told her how it is and it break her again. I no longer hang out with my father because again, pointless and my father didn't show it but it hurt him that he cried to mom at nights.

They cried and because of my condition they somewhat isolate me from things, they pick my brother over me to give them as much love for the both of them though it wasn't enough. My brother had it hard because not only did he had to look out and after me, he had to look after our parents too and had to make sure that they, my mother in particular never felt unloved by him since one son already didn't give a shit.

Maybe if I finally leave them they'll start to live their lives, they'll forget about me and truly be happy because god knows how much they deserve to be happy and free from me. I get up from the bed to see red head still here and I don't know why I smile, why my insides feel a little creepy but I like it and I am glad he's here. "Can we leave now." I ask. I'll just leave with him since they plan on separating anyways and even a fool can see that I was going with red head. So why not just leave early without them knowing so what happen doesn't reoccur or a situation similar doesn't happen again.

It may seems like I am running away from my problems, being a coward but I just want them to be happy and forget about me, maybe if I am not around then they'll finally move on and they will finally be able to live their lives without watching and timing my live.

The way he looks at me makes me look away, "I am not running away." I said feeling the tears surface as I continue to mutter 'I am not running away.'

I just want them to let me go so I can surfer in misery while they can grow in happiness without me there to ruin it.

"I wasn't thinking that." I sniff and glance up at him. His hand is stretch out for me to take and I did as he pull me up and in his chest as I stumble. "We'll leave." He gave a small smile which I return. We take a different door from early and along the empty hall we walk until another door appear which he opens. There are white shiny tiles that without the railing and certain shoes worn, you'll be on your ass or worse, a broken back or hip. We descend the stairs onto the rough dull ground behine the hotel, the sky is alway most grey no doubt late evening approaching night time.

The wind is chilly that I rap my hand around myself trying to create friction to warm myself as we walk to a black range rover. It's beautiful, I don't know what with business man or men of authority always using black cars, its so cliche that I could fake choking but mean it. Though that didn't make sense now but what about white cars, I meets, white is bright and pretty too but what do I know but being feisty, battling with a condition and making everyone around me unhappy..

We head inside the car, the engine roar to live and slowly we back out the parking space and onto the road to wherever since I didn't even ask but knowing that as he continue to drive the more distance is being created from them, the more I think their lives is getting better already.

Red head flick out his phone placing it on the phone Holder near the radio and he click a few bottoms, the ringing tune sound throughout the car then there is a answer. "Aces." I know for sure it's not the twins, I've never heard his brother talk before so it can't say it's him but maybe the guy who brought Silk in.

"We left already. Spilt up and head to your given destination until the be near your phone when I call." The guy quickly answer with a yes sir. Just when I though they had finish talking and the guy is about to hang up a small quiet voice said words that almost make the tears surface again.

"Fox." He sound so innocent and soft. He was still crying and all because of me, I grind my teeth together to get ahold of myself, to not let any sound escape. "Don't leave us, don't leave me pretty please." He beg, his voice cracked in between as no doubt tears are spilling out his eyes as he continue to sniffle. I turn my head even further away, hoping that I can no long hear him but even I know it's impossible.

"Brother you can't leave. You come back to us right now." My tears fall and a sob escape that was enough that they start talking rapidly. They continue to beg and plead with me that it became unbaring so I quickly hang up the phone sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. I squeeze myself till it ache, I keep my head away from red head so he doesn't see me like this but I know he can hear me.

So much pain, how I wish my condition would kick in and numb me, even for a little while. Just a little while won't cause any damage right but I got my dose so it's hours until I have to take another does, I am stuck with the pain. I hate it, I hate it so much that I hate being human but these emotion are what makes me human because I feel but what if I don't feel, am I not human then. I don't want to feel, I don't want emotions if this is how I'll always feel, if this is what I will forever feel.

I don't like  this, I just need myself and my condition, it protects, it erase all these emotions that makes me feel like shit, that makes me cry little a little girl. Warmth surrounds me which knock me back to reality, I glance outside to realize that we have stop moving and then I try to turn but big warm hands enclose around me stop such action and my head laying on soft clothed chest.

The cologne invade my nostrils that relaxes me, more tears form and spill soaking his expensive suit. I try to get up off him so his suit doesn't get ruin but he just hold me tighter, I welcome it because God knows I need it, I need this warmth and hug.

"Thank you." But it came out muffled since my face is press against his wide chest but from the humming response I knew he heard. I didn't even know when I reach into his lap but I wasn't planning on getting off no time soon and I hope he doesn't mind, I hug him tighter too.

Soon my eyes get heavy, my body feel heavy when I try to move again to reassure myself that he is here. My eyes finally close as I feel asleep on him more comfortable than a bed right now.

"You annoying peach."

~ The End

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