12 | DON'T PRETEND THAT I'M EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED
everything in the room is too white. the walls drip with regret and sadness as a teenage boy makes his way into the hospital, his boyfriend trailing behind him.
"jaren, calm down. everything's going to be alright," john says, rubbing the boy's palm with his thumb. jaren lightly smiles, trying to stay happy for john.
"i hope so," jaren mumbles, turning around to continue walking. john trails behind him, holding his hand. they make it up to the front desk, catching eyes with the man who's working it.
"hi, what can i do to help you today?" the man, whose name tag says peter, asks.
"i'm here to see teresa smith," jaren plays with his fingers, not making eye contact with the man at the desk, "she was in a fatal car accident if that helps."
"i see," the man softly says with a frown on his face, "what's your relation to the patient?"
"i'm her son," jaren whispers, trying not to let him see how uncomfortable the word makes him. hearing the word patient be used to describe his mother makes him want to cry, but he has to stay strong for john.
"i'm very sorry to hear that. we're fine with letting family visitors in right now, but your friend back there is going to have to sit out here," the man points at john, "unless he's actually related to the patient?"
"no, he's my boyfriend, but i want him to be there too..." jaren says, seeing john nod at him signifying that it was fine, "i mean, i guess it's fine."
"okay, right this way then," peter states, pointing him in the direction of the room. jaren turns around, planting a kiss on john's lips before following the man through the winding hallway.
his steps start to feel heavier as he approaches the room. he's always wondered why hospitals are so white, considering that when people think of the color, they associate it with pristine perfection. yet, if you're at a hospital, everything is far from perfect. the color makes jaren want to hurl into the nearest garbage bin, but he keeps it in for his mother.
the man opens the door to reveal a doctor with his fingers about to press on the handle. the door slams open, hitting the older man in the face.
"what the fuck, peter! watch where you are going next time," the man groans, holding his nose and running out the room. jaren has to stifle a laugh as he sees the man's nose bleeding.
"i am so sorry you had to see that," peter quickly spits out, looking at jaren with a nervous expression, "um... yea... i'll leave you and your mom alone now!"
jaren's smile fades away as he sees his mother sitting up in the bed, playing with a piece of string on her clothing. she doesn't even notice the boy walking up to her.
"hey momma," jaren whispers, looking at the woman for an answer. she doesn't respond, only looking up at the boy.
"john and i started dating if you were wondering. he's a real blessing and he's really been helping me feel better in my own body. fuck, he really takes my breathe away," jaren confesses, seeing john in his head with his painted nails and fitted rings.
"that's good," his mother hastily replies, not even making eye contact with the boy, "listen, if i die, i need you to promise that you'll stay happy for john out there. the doctor said that i was in a critical condition; i could be gone in any minute."
"momma, what are you saying?"
"jaren, i'm telling you to be happy, now go!" she shouts, trying to push him out of the room so he doesn't have to watch her die. john is there to catch him after the push, and the boy slowly drags jaren out of the room.
jaren tries to shove john away and starts screaming but he never lets go of the boy. he holds him securely in his arms and pulls him back to the car.
the ride is too silent for both of them.
🦋
john places his hand on jaren's thigh, trying to calm the boy down. he drives him to their special place, where jaren refuses to get out of the car. john reluctantly sighs, getting out of the car and picking up the boy in bridal style. jaren yelps, trying to push away from the boy.
"john, what the hell?" jaren shouts, snuggling his nose into john's neck and muffling his other pleas.
"it's all your fault. if you would've gotten out of the car normally then we wouldn't be in this situation right now. also is it a bad time to tell you that you still look stunning even after crying so much??" john places him down when they get to the cliff, leaning over the other boy.
"yes, it's a terrible time," jaren sarcastically says, smiling and trying to keep his tears at bay, "are you going to kiss me or not, angel?"
john shakes his head, purposefully rolling his eyes at the boy other him. he leans down, planting a light kiss on his lips before sitting back up. jaren groans, not making eye contact with john.
"it's 12, do you want me to start driving you home?" john asks, looking down at his beautiful boyfriend.
"can we sleep here together, angel? it can be just you and me under the stars tonight. i know you have blankets in pillows in you car," jaren laughs, watching john dust off his pants before walking away from the other.
five minutes later, his boyfriend comes back with four blankets and three pillows in his hand. they get comfortable, settling in a peaceful silence with legs tangled and hearts exposed.
"john, i really don't want her to die," jaren mumbles, causing john to kiss him multiple times across many spots on his face.
and as jaren slowly falls asleep, john whispers something to the boy, "me neither, flower boy. i love you."
🦋
song : for you by ramzoid
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