Odd Love || c.h. {a.u.}

Chapter Five: A Lack Of Understanding

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" The doctor asked quietly as she sat in front of me on one those annoying little swivel chairs that doctors almost always had.

"I'm sure." I said quietly.

"No, she's not." Holden murmured.

"Are you the father?" The doctor asked then glanced at me. "The father always has a say. It's his baby, too."

I shook my head slowly along with Holden. I couldn't go back. I couldn't turn back. I saw all those pictures of Calum sleeping with groupies. He was over me. This wasn't his way of dealing things. He wanted to get rid of his memories of me. He was over me. He wouldn't want a baby with me. He wouldn't want anything to do with me. I wasn't going to let my child go through what I went through. I wasn't going let them go through life knowing exactly who their father was and never being able to say anything or meet him. Whenever people even mentioned Loud Silence in interviews, he would clam up at the mention of any collaborations. I'm not important to him anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with me. It's done. This is done.

"He doesn't care." I mumbled.

"You didn't give him a chance to care." Holden said to me leaning down and whispering.

I closed my eyes as they teared up and felt his hands tighten around my own. I bit my lip closing my eyes. It was as if the entire room turned red.

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"Is no one gonna get the door?" Ashton said grumpily then looked up to see it. "Ugh, never mind. I'll get it. "

He hopped out of his seat and my eyes followed him from where I was curled in the fetal position on the couch. Holden walked in from the kitchen and glanced at me. He moved my legs sitting down and putting them in his lap. He ran his hand over my calf and tried giving me a small smile but I didn't respond. For the past three days, I'd been wallowing. I didn't want to remember what I'd done. It was the anniversary of what I'd done soon. One year. It would've been a milestone. Everyone else in the house didn't know what to do since Holden was the only one who knew what happened to me.

"It's gonna be okay." He whispered to me quietly.

I heard a brill shriek come from the front door but I couldn't bring myself to look up. I couldn't even bring myself to move from the goddamn couch, even though, I heard her voice. I saw Alexis walk in with Ashton. He was practically glued to her. I forgot they hadn't seen each other for a while since it seemed like we were always talking to her.

"Alisha, baby girl, what's-" her voice trailed off quietly as she saw me.

She silently sat on my other side where Holden wasn't and rested my head in her lap. She didn't speak just brushed my hair away from my cheek and gave me a kiss on my cheek and sighed. At some point, Holden had told her. I told him that it was okay because she's my best friend. She's allowed to know. It was coming up. The anniversary of the day it happened. I had to tell him. I had to. It was his right to know I knew that. I also knew how much he would hate me.

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There was a knock on the door and I lifted my head. I was sitting cross-legged on the couch reading. The books was Will Grayson, Will Grayson. It was my favorite. That kid understood. The pills, the pain, the not-knowing how you got here. Then, the other Will Grayson understood being afraid of everything. I frowned and sighed as the door opened.