Odd Love || c.h. {a.u.}

Chapter Six: Another Love

The wind cut into my cheeks, or at least, that's what I felt like it was doing. The cold air on the ferry to the Statue Of Liberty was unreasonably cold for late winter/early spring. I bit my lip trying to process why anyone would want to do this everyday for a living as I looked at the ferry drivers. I sighed curling up in a seat instead of keeping my eyes on Lady Liberty and turning my back to the wind. I saw Luke glance at me from the corner of his eye but it was more of a pity glance than a 'you're my best friend, I hope you're alright.' Glance. I could tell he was still upset with me but I knew he didn't understand and he knew he never would so we didn't speak about it.

My eyes were on the bottom of the ferry boat not looking up. I didn't want to. Alexis and Ashton had taken the last ferry with Calum who refused to ride with me. I knew he was trying to avoid me but we lived in the same house. His talent with dodging me however, was something he almost seemed to be proud of. Every time I got home, he was just gone or when I was leaving for an interview or a hair appointment to bleach my hair white and dye the tips red (things I was forced to do), he was just getting in.

I bit my lip as we neared the island and the ferry slowed rounding it to the port side. The boat stopped and we all hearded off in the direction of the gate. I walked out stepping onto dry land and could see Calum peeking out from inside of the bottom of the statue. He glanced at me for only a quick moment but it seemed like he wasn't looking at me. It felt like he was looking past me or into me, I couldn't tell the the difference anymore.

"Al, come on." Luke said nudging me towards the doors.

I bit my lip and ambled over to the staircase. Michael slid his fingers between mine and leaned over whispering to me quietly as our feet touched the first step of the staircase.

"Okay, first of all, I hate steps but now we have a chance to talk." He said quietly.

I looked around. We weren't the only tourists in the staircase. It was a little uncomfortable to talk about sensitive topics around a bunch of people like this. It made me feel like everyone was listening. Back in the yogurt shop, it was different. We were off in a corner. Out of earshot for most people and our voices were mostly low. By the time they'd been raised, we weren't speaking about anything important. Considering this, I looked up at Mikey and shook my head but he bit his lip and shrugged.

"Fine, I'll do all the talking." He said squeezing my hand in his softer, chubbier baby one.

I nodded silently. He could talk, sure, but after a few days ago, I realized I didn't have to listen to all the things none of them would understand. All the things that none of them would know. The fear of putting a child through so much that they'd hate you, the feeling of being unwanted by everyone, the feeling of knowing you single-handedly ruined your parents' lives and knowing it by looking at them and realizing how different it could have been had you not been around.  I didn't want that for them. I didn't want that for my child.

"I understand." Was the first thing he said to me as we rounded the first flight.

I looked up at him confusedly. I could hear Ashton and Alexis's voices drifting up the staircase. I knew they probably stopped off at the museum at the bottom first with Calum just to delay him a bit. I didn't hear his voice, though. I assumed he might've been just as quiet as I was. Mikey sighed as we climbed more stairs and shook his head.

"I hate stairs." He said again chuckling and I could tell he was nervous.

I agreed giving him a small smile. Not a real smile, more of a just-to-get-by kind of smile. He noticed, that much I knew. The thing was, though, Michael was the clingiest of the boys and while it could be annoying sometimes, I liked it now. I needed someone and he was always there. It was like he was protecting me. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. I heard mumbling come from behind us. I would have dismissed it but I knew that kind of grumbling anywhere.