Tales From a Guild Member

Excuses, Excuses

I must have carried my 6th or 7th load of wool to the bank before the guard walked up to me.
Guard: "Excuse me sir, but why would you be taking all that wool?"
I looked around sheepishly, "Because I'm stocking up for Wintumber sir."
Guard: "Oh?"
"Yes. I've also gotten a sneak peak at some market research that says itchy sweaters will be all the rage this Christmas, and I want to get in on the action."
The guard stared back at me, "I read the same thing too, but it was for last year's market. You won't believe what'll be in demand this year."
I shrugged "Fine. Ok. You got me. I know some wolves that want to infiltrate flocks of sheep. Figured I'd lend them a hand."
Guard: "That ain't believable either. Lots of sheep pens have anti-wolf systems installed these days."
Me: "really? Well then. Uh ... I know a goblin ... with a rather ... uhm ... awkward interest in sheep. I owed him a few favors. Probably best you don't dig any deeper. No amount of alcohol will bleach your brain on this one."
Guard: "You'd be a bit late their chum. We caught up with the goblin with that same hobby just 3 days ago. Several hours of intense physical therapy to the side of the head cured him of it. Made him a few IQ points smarter too."
Me: "Really? Wow! OK, I'll come clean. I heard the wool was to dye for!"
Guard: "Puns now? You can do better than that."
Me: "Fine! There are reports of an army of kittens plotting world domination. They are going to invade the main land from the island of Crandor. IF you don't stop hassling me, then I won't be able to make a whole bunch of specialized balls of wool so that I can distract them and thwart their plans. Can I go now?!?!?"
The guard just stared back at me. "Adventurers these days. Idiotic stories. Go on. Carry on."

Little did either of us know that the kitten army was indeed real and if it wasn't for my efforts, and a bit of good luck on timing, the world would have truly been overrun.