Hopelessly hopeful

Chapter 5

I was waking back to the bus and depression and confusion hit me, I miss Ciara I'm still in love with her. With that being said I had an amazing time with eve and I felt we had an amazing connection together, imaybe I should talk to Danny he's really good at advice. "I need a fucking drink" I thought to myself as I walk down to road I pop into a local shops and get some corona's and head for the bus, about five minutes later I knock on the bus, I only had to two and few seconds before someone opened the door " aye look who finally got his penis out of Eve" Danny cheered " fuck off" I say pushing him out the way " whoa come down bro, I was only joking " Danny says, I just ignore him and walk to my bunk. I must of feel asleep as I woke up in the pitch black, I check my phone for the time 5am it says " for fuck sake I'm gonna he tired before the show now" I thought to myself, I realized that me and Ciara are still my screensaver on my phone so I change it to me and the guys proudly holding the ' best British rock band' we won last year. I tossed and turned for about an hour before I gave up trying to sleep, " fuck this let's see if anyone is up' I thought to myself I climb out of my bunk, after making myself a coffee and a sandwich I quickly notice no one is awake apart from Pepe who was driving so I got sit next to him in the drivers part " hello Pepe" I say with a smile " ah holla amigo, what are you doing up?"  Pepe asks me " I feel asleep really fucking early and now I'm wide awake" I explain to him, " you look sad Benjamin what's wrong " Pepe suddenly asks me I sigh at first wondering if I should tell him, fuck it keeping it in won't help. " Pepe I'm so down and confused, when we come on this tour I got divorced to probably the love of my life, I'm heartbroken I don't know why I cheated on her. But then the first night I meet eve and it's spun my head as I think we could be more then a fling, but I feel like I'm incapable of love as I fuck up every relationship I have. Pepe the most frightening thing is that I feel so down that I will fall into a depression I'll start drinking and taking drugs like I used too." I explain to Pepe and wiping away a tear that fell. " such hurt in such a young soul, I have only known you for a few days now Benjamin I can tell you are a lost soul, but before you go find your soul Benjamin, you have I go and find yourself, where are you at your most happiest?" Pepe asked. " when I'm on the stage and the fans are singing alone to every song" I say honestly " so go find yourself in music again Benjamin" he smiles at me. We sit in silence for a few minutes as I eat my sandwich and drink my coffee, " how long before Berlin" I ask " " an hour or so" Pepe replies we sit in the next hour in complete but comfortable silence. We park up near the venue but it's only 7 am and it's closed " what do we do now" I ask " get lost in music Benjamin" Pepe smiles. I nod my head in agreement, pick up my acoustic with a pen and note pad and within the next ten minutes I'm writing down a beginning on a new song. About an hour later there was a knock on my bunk door. "Dude it's like 8am what the fuck"Danny says pissed off, shit I must of woke him up. " sorry bro, I didn't mean to wake you" I say kinda sadly, " what you working on" Danny says yawning. " just a milky song on how I fell at the moment" I say writing in the piece of paper, not making eye contact with Danny. " what you got?" He asks grabbing the piece of paper then sitting on my bed reading it, out of no where he starts singing what I wrote so I started strumming my guitar along " It's hard to see what's underneath, is it me? Where do I turn?
Everywhere I look these vultures burn the life right outta me Do I run, or lay down and die? Is it time to close my eyes? For so long all I've known, all I've seen's green lights Fuck your greed, all I need's somewhere to catch my breath, rest my head, and ease my mind" " that's amazing dude, a little more work and I think this could be a hit " Danny says " " thank you, we should try and finish it this tour" I say " should we go get breakfast" Danny asks " fuck yes" I smile. Danny walks out to get dressed, I do the same I wear a plane white top black ripped jeans and black Tims and a black leather jacket, i go into the bathroom to use the toilet, brush my teeth and hair, all of a sudden there's a bang on the bathroom door James is waiting outside for me, " hurry the fuck up whoever is in there" " alright bro keep you knickers on" I say unlocking the door " where are you going? James asked, " oh me and dan are going on a breakfast date" I say " breakfast sounds amazing" Cameron says out of no where " tell me about it I'm fucking starving" Sam says " ugh if you all wanna come then hurry the fuck up and get dressed" Danny shouts from the front lounge. About thirty minutes later we are all ready and go to breakfast. It's about 5pm and the days been a bit boring we went out for breakfast, went for a walk about Berlin, saw a couple of fans which is always amazing and just sat on the bus, we want to take it easy today as we have a show today and we have a sound check in like an hour. All of a sudden my phone starts ringing, I look at who's calling me and my heart is in my mouth, " hello" I say hesitantly, " hello darling remember me" the familiar voice makes my heart beat faster. I walk out of the front lounge so no one can hear my conversation, " Samantha I'll never forgot you" I say honestly after all she is the lady I cheat on Ciara with, " that's good baby, listen I see your in Berlin touring, oh and have a guess where I am" Samantha says all cheeringly, " where are you Samantha" I asked frustrated as I don't really give a shit where she is. " well.... I'm outside your bus.." it takes me a minute to register what she just said " hello Ben, you still there" she asked. " yeah I'm still here, why are you outside my bus" i ask Angrily " well i thought I'll come and see you but if your gonna be a prick then I'll just go" Samantha said all pissy, I huff " alright I'll come and see you, iv got an hour as I have to been at a show in an hour" I explain. " that's fine, I'll see you soon" Samantha  says putting the phone down, I put my shoes and coat back on  and get set to leave, " where the fuck you going  we got a show in an hour" Sam says " I'll be there I'm just getting some air" I lied. " tell the others I'll meet them there" I say walking out the door. I walk about the bus and I see her straight away, she hasn't changed one bit, long black hair was straightened , bright blue eyes,  bright white smile, make up all perfectly done, she's fit as fuck, but also crazy as fuck too, " hey " I smile " alright" she asked as she hugs me, " where we going then" I ask walking off so I'm not seen by one of the guys.  " to the bar?" She shrugs " let's go then" I say outing my arm around her. We walk about fifteen minutes and we reach the bar, " out of all the bars that are here, you pick the one right opposite the venue we are playing in?" I ask " I thought it be easier for you, all you have to do is cross the road" she laughs. We are in the bar, I'm on like my third drink, sam's keeping up with me, I down my last mouthful, " one more drink and that's it" I say getting up " I'm going for a piss, get the drinks in" I winked. I walk to the toilet and do what I have to do then walk but, I'm not drunk i haven't had enough so ill be perfectly fine for the show. I check the time on my phone, that's alright got twenty minutes. I sit back down with sam for the last fifteen minutes we just chat and catch up, for some reason that last drink got to me the room started spinning. " sam I need to go and get to the venue now" I say getting up but lose my balance a bit " damn that last drink got to me" I laugh but also embarrassed, " the ben bruce can't handle his drink no more" Samantha laughed we walk out the bar and say our goodbyes, I walk across the road hardly standing and walking straight. " how many you had" Cameron asked as he seem me stagger in the vip area at the venue, " only three" I mumble " I don't understand how three drinks got me this drunk" I say " well you better sober up, we are about to go on" cam says all frustrated.I pick up my guitar then realise I'm seeing triple, our intro hits and everyone runs on I walk on because if I run ill fall over I see about three Dannys running about on stage, I look down at my guitar so I can focus on what I'm playing but I see about three guitars and about one hundred stings. let me just headbang and see were that takes me, so I just pretend to play and headbang, but the headbanging makes it worst and I feel dizzy. although I carry on because the crowd are loving it but all of a sudden I get this funny feeling and everything turns black.

I wake up feeling very sore and ill, " fuck my head" I say " oh good morning mr bruce" some guy says to me his all dressed in white like I doctor, I look around and realise I'm in hospital. " wait am I in hospital and are you a doctor?" I ask who I assume is the doctor, " yes mr bruce you are in hospital and yes I am a doctor" he laughs " " why am I in hospital dr... sorry I don't know your name" I say rubbing my head. " mr bruce you are in hospital as you fainted on stage last night, we have done some blood test whilst you was asleep and it turns out we found I drug in your system called phenergn which is a muscle relaxer, we think you just took to much before the show and you overdosed, oh my name his dr Hassan" dr Hassan explained " but dr Hassan I never took anything last night, all I can remember is going to the bar with a friend." I say worriedly to dr Hassan. " well mr bruce I believe you drink may go been spiked" dr Hassan said.