Crying For Your Help {JJ x Yuri fanfic}

Chapter 11

It's all your fault. They said. You're to blame! They said.

Don't worry, people said. He's in your heart! There's a bit left for him! People said.

Nothing could fill the hole in JJ's heart, only Yuri could. But he was dead. And all JJ could do was drink. That was the only thing on his mind, there was still that one string of sanity clinging together refusing to break.

Never had he ever felt such pain in his life. Usually, he was so confident and cocky but now...he was broken and clinging to sanity.

He fell down his knees and gripped his hair tightly, “This is not a dream...why am I so low on self esteem...am I broken!? Why won't his damned voice leave me alone!?”

Fire? Gun? A noose? Drugs...? Alcohol...? Disease...? Hypothermia...? Cutting maybe...? Drowning...? Suffocation...? Electrocution...? Maybe jumping from a building...somewhere really high...? No... Immolation...? Poison...? Starvation...? Dehydration...?

None of these would work...well maybe one or two and despite his desperate need and want to kill himself he didn't for the time being. He wanted to live his life, I mean...not everything revolves around Yuri, right? Right...?

To JJ, it did. No words could ever describe how much pain JJ was in physically and mentally.

He walked over to the blood stained knife and stared at it, it was coated in his blood. He held it up and stared at it. He watched as his own blood dripped down the long blade. He smiled to himself.

What if he did it again? Yeah, that will ease the pain.

He cleaned the knife with a paper towel and slowly began to clean the bloodied weapon. Once the knife was cleaned, he took the knife into his left hand.

He turned his wrist over so that it was facing himself and he slowly dug the knife into his skin, dragging it downwards. He felt no pain doing this, it only soothed his pain. All his suffering. And still, that string of sanity keeping him together remained as one. Still refusing to let itself snap.

JJ repeated this process a few more times until he had 4 long bloody cuts down his arm. He smiled at his work.

He felt a lot better now, he just had too much on his mind, too much to process. He put on his long sleeved shirt and sighed.

“Maybe I should just take a nice stroll out in the park...” He thought as he grabbed his jacket putting it on also. He sighed as he headed downstairs to his living room.

He turned off his TV and grabbed his phone. He looked at the lock screen and sighed to see the picture of Yuri (it's the image at the top). He always was a poser, huh? He hated getting pictures but if it were JJ taking the picture he didn't really care.

He smiled to himself and put his phone into his jacket pocket heading out the door and into the park. He made sure nobody could see the scars from cutting himself on his arms, that's why he wore a long sleeved shirt and jacket because it would be highly visible if he didn't.

The sun was out, this made JJ frown. After Yuri died JJ had grown to disliking to the sunshine and got more of a liking to the rain. Only because the rain was Yuri's favourite weather and it reminded JJ of him.

He didn't want Otabek to have him so he put up a fight doing whatever he could just to get Yuri for himself. He wasn't a selfish person, he was a great guy and all but when something is on his mind he does whatever in his power to get that desire.

And that damned Kazakhstani skater doesn't exactly help him in any way, does he? He still holds such a strong hatred for him. No one could ever force the two to get along because it would be completely impossible.

JJ glanced up and looked at the park bench to see Otabek sulking on it. He smirked and walked past him. He wondered why he hadn't killed him yet...

He walked over to the fountain and sat down on it dragging his fingers through the clear water that flowed around it. He remembered a time he and Yuri had gone to the beach, it was such a nice time for the two even if they weren't dating and if it wasn't even a date...
------Flashback--------

“Go into the water, Yuri!” JJ said, sitting on a blanket the two had brought.

Yuri ran into the water and smiled splashing around in it, having a great time.

JJ laughed at his behaviour and decided to join him. He splashed the younger male with some water which resulted in Yuri laughing and splashing him back.

They Solon started to have some sort of water war, splashing water at each other over and over again.

They soon got out the water and sat down on the blanket they had brought and hugged each other. By now the sun was setting and they sat enjoying the sunset...
------End of Flashback------

JJ sighed and smiled remembering what had happened, all he wanted was to see Yuri again. That was all he asked for from here on out, nothing else mattered to him. No one else mattered to him.

Otabek looked up and saw JJ on the bench and sighed angrily as he got up and walked over to the French-Canadian with an angry expression and his arms crossed.

“Thats not a pretty face.” JJ mocked, still dragging his hands threw the water thinking of Yuri.

“Don't pull that shit on me! You're the reason Yuri is dead!” He raged, he was sure bystanders heard because he heard a few gasps.

Those words hit JJ like a bullet, he wasn't the reason he killed himself...he was just tired of everything...he didn't want anyone to hurt anyone so he ended his own life thinking it would solve something...it didn't.

JJ sighed and spoke, “I wasn't the one that shoved a knife in his chest. Not to mention, he made that damned choice himself. I tried to stop him, I wasn't urging him to do anything to himself. Just stop making me out to be a bad person because you're pissed off at yourself.”

Otabek growled and slowly began to raise his hand then formed it into a fist and punched JJ in the face.

He didn't care.

Otabek stormed off, clearly pissed off.

“I guess this was a bad idea coming here...” JJ thought to himself as he got up and headed back home. The streets were deserted, not a single person was in sight which made JJ smile. He was slowly reconsidering his death but then shrugged it off upon reaching his home.

He unlocked his door and went inside closing it behind himself. He headed into his kitchen and took out some wine from his cupboard then headed back into his living room, sitting down on the couch and turning on his TV. I see we're back to that routine, huh?...