Let's Write A Journal Yayayayay

bad tendencies:)

I do this thing where I almost regard anything related to me as bad or 'cringey.'

Makes sense? Not really? Lemme elaborate:

Let's say my name is... Ashley. (It's not by the way.) I do not like my name. At all. I think it's gross. And because it is my name, it is automatically bad. There's another girl at my school named Ashley. And I have no opinion. I don't hate the name because it's not mine. When I think of my name, I think 'Ew.' When I think of her name I don't think anything bad about it.

There's really only two ways to wear a backpack: on both shoulders or on one. But for some reason I seem to think that the way I carry my backpack is 'annoying' and 'nerdy.' But when others wear it like that, I pay no mind. It's just a backpack, but when it's associated with me, I automatically think it's bad.

My username: CripplingOppression 
When I first thought it up I thought it was really clever. Now I just think it's gross, because it's my username.

I was having a conversation about tattoos. They were talking about all the cute tattoos they could get and where they could put them. I said, "I'd like a tattoo, but I don't think I'd ever get one. I would just regret it." I could get any tattoo, no matter how small, and I would regret it just because it is on my body. If it were on any other person I'd think, "Cute." But because I was the one who thought up the idea; I was the one who wanted the tattoo; I was the one who told the tattoo artist what to ink; I make it bad.

I was telling my friend all of this, and she said, "That's actually really toxic."

I was kind of like, "Oh. Oh, it really is." I'd never thought about it before. At all. I'm really glad she said that because I was totally in the dark. Thinking back on it now, it's a goddamn horrible mindset to have. It has destroyed my self-esteem and lowered my self-worth time and time again. It has stopped me from saying things and wearing things and doing things because my stupid brain says, "No, you can't. You're too annoying."

I don't know why I'm typing this out here. I just needed some weight off of me I guess. 

On a more happier note: in fourth period my whole class sang karaoke. Highlight of my day. Before the bell rang, Royals by Lorde came on the intercom and everyone was singing it. Then we were about to play with the Wii, but we had no batteries. I've gotta bring some Monday. So anyways, since Royal came on, we were just in a 'singing mood.' Someone said let's do karaoke, so we did. We sang songs like Royal, Thousand Miles by Vanessa someone, Grenade by Bruno Mars, Baby by Justing Bieber, the works.