Behind Her Eyes

1

My muscles started to relax once we passed the Oklahoma state line. We're finally out of Texas.

The once black sky was turning into a lighter shade of blue as the sun tried to rise to brighten the day.

He would be up by now. I thought. I shook my head to get rid of the negative thoughts of him. When I opened my eyes a sign passed that said: Rest Area 1 Mile.

Deciding that both Nickel and I needed to stretch our legs, I pulled over at the rest area and went to the parking lot where vehicles who were pulling trailers parked.

After turning off the diesel, I went inside the bathroom and did my business before going back out to the trailer to get Nickel.

I made sure to keep my black Stetson cowboy hat low on my forehead, making sure that most of my face was hidden from the prying eyes.

I lowered the trailer door and opened the side door, revealing a dapple grey butt.

I chuckled as he flicked his tail and turned his head to look at me.

"Hey, buddy." I put my hand on his rump so he wouldn't spook and try to kick me, and then I rubbed my hand on him as I walked beside him to get to the lead rope. Once I untied the rope I got in front of him and pushed him out.

"Good, boy." I praised when we were both out of the trailer. I scratched behind his ears before leading him to a grassy area.

He took a couple pulls of weeds before I start to lung him. He loves to exercise, he's very active and loves to run around. Which is good when we're doing barrels or poles.

After lunging him both ways and getting stares from tourists and bypassers, I loaded him up, gave him a flake of alfalfa - from the stall right next to him - and closed the doors as soon as he was comfortable. I walked to the drivers side and got in, turning the engine over. Soon we were exiting the rest area and got back on the highway heading North.

As soon as we were on the highway, my stomach decided to growl. I guess Nickel isn't the only one that needs to be fed. I thought. If I kept stopping for unnecessary things, there is a higher chance that he would find me quicker.

I looked at the dashboard and sighed, I have to get gas. I guess I could get some snacks when I get fuel, then I could stock up the shelves in the camper while I'm at it. I thought.

A couple hours later I pulled into Sinclair. It was towards noon and I missed breakfast, my stomach stopped growling an hour ago.

I turned off the diesel and got out, going to the pump and paid for it before putting the nozzle in the truck. I went to the back of the camper where Nickel was and looked through the window.

Nickel lifted his head to look at me, seeming to know when I was near.

"Hey, buddy." I smiled.

He nickered and pressed his nose against the bars.

I chuckled and rubbed his velvet nose.

The nozzle finally popped, making the flow of the fuel come to a stop. I dropped my hand and walked to the pump. After making sure that the truck was filled up, I put the nozzle back in the pump and quickly went inside to get some food.

As I walked inside, I made sure to keep my head low with my hat shielding most of my face.

After grabbing what I need and what I want for later, I went up to the cash register to pay for my things.

"Howdy." he greeted. I lifted my head a little to look at the man behind the counter. He gave me a smile and I nodded in return. "Is this all for ya?" he asked, looking at the things I set on the counter.

I nodded once more.

"Snacks for traveling?" he asked again ringing up my things and putting them in bags.

I took a deep breath. He was trying to start a small conversation. I knew he meant well, but all I wanted to do was to get out of here as soon as possible. I have already wasted too much time as it is.

"Somethin' like that." I responded, trying to be polite.

He smiled but didn't say anything else.

When there was a couple more items left, I reached behind me to get my wallet from my back pocket and pulled out my debit card.

"That would be $30.75." he announced.

I put my card in the machine and paid for my stuff.

"Have a great day." he smiled.

"Thank you. You too." I mumbled back, quickly grabbing my things before walking out.

Once I got to my truck, I opened the drivers door and piled the bags on the passenger seat and the middle seat.

Soon we were back on the road. I opened up the breakfast burrito wrap that they had there and took a bite. This should last me until supper tonight. I didn't eat very much, and what little food I did consume would last me until it was time for dinner.

He wouldn't let me eat large portions all at once. He told me that if I kept eating like I used to then I would end up like one of the cows in the pasture, even though I was skinny and stayed super active working with the cattle and practicing barrels and poles with Nickel.

Now that I cut back on eating, I got to the point of being just skin and bones. My body was eating away the muscle; the muscle that I use to have was now almost gone.

Every time I would eat, I would try to get food that has a lot of protein in it. It helped with getting some of my muscle back, but not all of it.

I shook my head to get rid of all these thoughts. I was out of that place I used to call home, I should be happy.

But I wasn't.

There was something holding me back, something that would keep me from feeling what true happiness was; and I knew who was keeping it from me even though he's not here.