Igniting Sparks

Chapter 20.

Edited by KitWulf           27-9-20

*

It had been over a year since she first arrived in the city. Almost a year since Johnathan had disappeared. Life moved on. Azura had tried to deal with the Phoenix as best as possible with not much luck as the voice appeared more often and she could sense it's presence within. The stronger it was becoming, the more she felt the urge to suppress it. Something she failed miserably at even with the help of Dr. Nicolai. Frustrated, she had stopped the sessions three months ago hoping it would bring her peace of mind.

A turbulent three months where inner and outer confrontations only became worse. The friendship she had built with Lucas had been severely tested with her extreme anger outbursts but despite it, they'd grown closer, yet she still couldn't tell him everything. The raging feelings inside, that ball of fire, ready to explode, the fact she was a creature they all despised.

In the end, the only one she could fully confide in was Dr. Jensen. Now she sat across from Nicolai and as soon as he finished some paperwork on the computer he turned to face her. He had not changed one bit over the past year, unlike Azura. The way she carried herself had completely changed. She sat in the chair like a confident woman, her hair still cut short; just above her shoulders. She'd even put on some weight but still was thin and lean with broad shoulders as most climbers had.

"How are you doing Azura? It's been a while. How are you coping with the Phoenix and controlling it?" Azura shrugged as if she didn't care but the confident twinkle in her eye betrayed her real intention.

"I've come to the conclusion that it can't be controlled. It's there in my head, in my body, feeding on my rage and anger when I feel it. Worst part is, it's getting stronger and more demanding. In the last few months I've had a lot of time to think it over and I've realized I won't ever be able to control it. It won't accept it...it'll keep pushing me over the edge."

And you like it.

The voice caught her off guard even though she was expecting it. She twitched her head slightly to the left as it spoke up, chipping away at her confidence.

"And I don't like being pushed over the edge. So maybe I do need to learn to accept it so it does become a part of me... As frightening as that may sound."

It only took you a year.

"I once asked this question a long time ago Dr. Nicolai." Azura bit her lip, showcasing her insecurity about the matter. "How can I accept this thing that has killed my best friend and hundreds of others?"

Dr. Jensen watched her with a sort of slight amusement. He could tell she was struggling to try and keep a facade that she was in control. Her contradicting herself in words and behavior made her look almost bipolar.

The old man cleared his throat and took a moment to think it over. "Are you really ready this time around? I can see you've come such a long way from the first moment you walked in here but I wonder if you're emotionally ready. Physically yes and I can see and feel you have come to terms with most of your past as well, but you are still emotionally blocked."

If only you would let me come out and play.

She flinched. The answer was not what she had hoped for. Not from Nicolai and not from the voice. She sighed and leaned back in her chair as she closed her eyes.

"Then help me to get ready." She tried to hide her frustration and disappointment.

"I can't. This you have to do on your own, but I can offer guidance and help get you on the right track. If I just go in and break the wall that's keeping your deepest emotions behind it, you will get crushed by them."