So very afraid.
Changing weather and changing seasons means changing mood,
I begin to descend with every leaf.
As the temperature drops I find myself dropping as well, my mood moves with the winds
I am at the mercy of my mind.
For seven months, I am not myself.
I am the monster, the demon,
I descend into my disorder that hasn't even been diagnosed yet and I become one with all that plagues me.
I will lose people.
This terrifies me.
It is not fair to ask someone to understand or even to stick around when they see what I become,
Though my heart begins to throb with soreness when I think about losing some of the people I have now,
I do not want to be alone.
Please, do not leave me alone.
This is not something you can fix with talk or snapping elastics, this is mental puzzle pieces that aren't quite meshing the way they should.
When fall ends, disorder takes over,
the inner chaos reigns supreme.
God help me stay alive.
