Love Aaron

Two

Dear Annalise,

I stopped playing football but not school.

I didn't want this to completely take over my life even thought it has taken over 96% of it.

I have one more year of school and then I'm on my way to the real world.

Without you.

Without our plans.

Without love.

My days are normal.

I wake up for morning class, go to three classes, then I have one in the afternoon.

Ever since football ended, I have more classes.

I graduate earlier, get out of school earlier, start my life earlier.

I'm mad at you.

I'm mad at you for leaving me.

I'm mad at you for breaking my heart.

I wanted to start a family. I wanted to marry you.

Now all that has changed and I am alone.

I lay in bed sometimes, with the covers pulled up to my nose. I start at your bed. I don't cry anymore. I don't feel anymore. I miss you but I don't cry.

Sometimes I wonder what I could've done to prevent it. I blame myself sometimes for not seeing it. For not seeing how the pills weren't helping you.

How they were killing you slowly and I didn't notice it.

How could I not notice? You were my girlfriend I should have.

Everyone says it wasn't my fault but I feel like it is.

Killing yourself doesn't end the pain, it just gives it to someone else.

I wish you were here.

Love,
Aaron.