Love Aaron

Four

Dear Annalise,

I found a job in Atlanta.

I move there in a few months.

That was one of the places we were considering moving to when we were done with school.

I hope you're proud of me.

I hope you're happy for me.

I hope you don't feel bad for me.

Why bad?

Because I'm mentally deteriorating, and I have no control of it.

And I don't want you to think it's your fault. I could've handle this differently but I didn't. And that's my fault.

But I'm doing my best, seeing someone, staying active, always doing something.

But somehow you always find your way into my head.

Somehow I relate anything and everything to you and I can't help it.

They say that I can if I simply do.

But how can I simply do if half my heart is gone?

How can I simply do when half of me is gone?

They say I have to find new things to occupy that space. It's a big space though.

Being a lawyer has been my dream and owning my own firm has been a dream.

Half of it is achieved and that fills a little of that space.

They say, over time, my heart will be whole again.

I just have to be patient.

I just have to go, day by day, night by night, living my life, finding things I love.

My therapist said she thinks moving to Atlanta is a good thing.

I agree with her.

New space, New feel, New people.

New everything.

It scares me though. Being out there having this hole in me.

It scares me that I'm going to be on my own.

Without you.

It scares me that I'm not going to be able to live this life without you.

It's funny how I said I need to let you go and the guilt I hold.

Obviously, I'm failing at it.

But now I have at least come to terms as to why you did it.

But I always go back to how I wasn't enough,

for you to stay.

I wish you were here.

Love,
Aaron.