3:37am

Tattoo

I see the tattoo on my shoulder in the grainy hospital mirror. I have a few, but this has the most significance. Moments after I got it, I had overwhelming regret. This is my gene mutation. I have two copies of delta f508. I had just gotten something in a visible place that opens strangers up to ask questions about it. About cystic fibrosis, and my life. They'll say get well and maybe pray, what they don't know is the day to day maintenance. If 3 weeks in the hospital is your normal you'll know showers are a struggle. Drs acting like they know you, but only see you at your worst. Pop 70 pills a day even at home, isolate yourself to do treatments. You hear laughter from the next room, but you're tethered to a machine for hours. The isolation of doing treatments alone at home or a friends. Being stuffed in a hospital room on isolation tethered to machines and a pole. Continuous antibiotics and no where to go. I am used to the isolation. Which is why my tattoo opened a new door, part of my invisible disease now branded on my back. My body may house my poisoned lungs and struggling organs. It's to blame for bad iron and migraines. It is the center of all of my problems, but it is also all I have. I love it despite all of the indifferences. I love it in spite of the woes it brings, and the comparisons to others. I have many treatments, isolations, pills, and tethers. I have just enough bad luck to have cf. I have just enough good luck to be able to handle it. I have two copies of double delta f508 -ffk