Smash Ultimate Visits- Legend of Zelda Edition!

Bad News

This is probably the end of the book, unless you guys want more? I dunno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ganondorf was sitting there, at the dining table, content. Using his bare hands to rip a leg off a half-eaten cucco, he ripped the meat off it's bones savagely. Zelda scoffed and gestured to his silverware in an attempt to make him at least presentable. Juices dribbled down his chin as he shrugged, swallowing.

She scowled. "Come on, can you at least use a napkin?" He grinned- pieces of his meal stuck in between his teeth- and used his sleeve to wipe his chin off. Zelda threw her hands up. "Why do I even try?"

Toon Link sauntered up to the table. Master Hand had been notified of Crazy Hand's mistake, and after a harsh reprimanding directed at his utterly insane brother, he had brought the Smashers and Tetra back to the Smash Mansion. Gonzo had been put into the pedestal of captain and Tetra had been happy to spend more time with the Wind Waker. Toon Link had been much more upbeat ever since.

"Hello! You look happy, Zel." Toon Link commented, taking his usual place at the table and grabbing a slice of toast. Zelda huffed. "Can you please tell Mister King of Evil over here to use a fork instead of his sweaty hands?" Ganondorf growled. "I can eat my food however I want!"

"And it ruins your entire image because you can't just eat normally. You don't even have to keep your posture or anything just-! Agh!" Zelda groaned and ran her hands through her hair. "I can't. I physically cannot do this today." Ganondorf raised a fiery eyebrow but said nothing. He shrugged and kept on eating, ignoring how Zelda just burrowed her face in her arms. She was fine. Probably.

He quickly finished his meal with a disgusting squelch. Zelda was in almost the exact same position, but her eyes were now visible and was playing with her fork, twirling it around. Until she started to viciously stab one of her sausages. Ganondorf decided it was a good time to leave, especially when she started to use her bare hands to rip her toast apart.

He quickly stood up with a mumbled "I have to fight Bowser in a few minutes" and practically ran to his room. Zelda was scary when she wanted to be. In the hallways, however, he heard the PA system start to crackle and Master Hand's voice boom "GANONDORF, TO THE MAIN OFFICE, GANONDORF, TO THE MAIN OFFICE."

The Gerudo, recalling all the things he had done up to this point which would warrant his presence needed at the office, walked to Master Hand's office at a steady pace. His footsteps echoed in the nearly empty hallway, only meeting a hurried Link (who was on his way to the Dining Hall).

He quickly reached the Main Office- as it was only a few hallways away- and knocked, quickly being introduced to Crazy Hand's ABC blocks arranged into a giant functional TV. For the curious, it was currently playing a strange, wooden version of a Celino and Barns commercial.

The Waddle Dee who had opened the door saluted him before leaving, hopping off to find King Dedede. Ganondorf stared after it for a few seconds before heading inside, finding Master Hand behind his desk, stamping a paper with the Smash insignia before putting it aside.

Ganondorf bowed. "Please rise." The Hand called, tapping his desk. The King of Evil did so. "May I ask why I am here, sir?" Master Hand sighed before saying "You are here because I do not know who to send to visit you. You have had no romantic relationships, no family relationships, even, except for Koume and Kotake who you never actually liked. And they could hardly be counted as family. So who am I to send you? Nabooru?"

Ganondorf shook his head. While he had used to love the woman, he had foolishly sought out Twinrova's power and the Triforce in hopes of making the home of the Gerudo better. The witches had quickly taken over his mind, though, and started his reign of tyranny and deception. Later he had found out that Koume was actually his biological hag of a mother and Kotake was his Aunt.

His "mother" had whispered dark thoughts into his head and had practically forced him to seek out power and status. He no longer wanted to take over Hyrule for his people, but for himself. Nabooru had seen the evil taking place early on and sought to stop him, gaining aid from the Hero of Time and ultimately dying to become the Sage of Spirit.

He figured if he saw her now, things being awkward would be a hell of an understatement.

So he shook his head no, and stated that he had no loved ones. Master Hand sighed in defeat. "Well, what should I do for you? Within reason, of course."

Ganondorf shrugged his shoulders. "I do not know. I apologize." While Ganon may have been a pig (literally), especially during meals, and he may have been a former tyrant, he was still a king. With the exception of his eating habits, which were urged on by his inner swine, he was a man of taste. Even if he weren't, he still would have chosen his words carefully around the Hand.

So he showed blatant respect for the Master Hand and addressed him with upmost importance. Master Hand sighed and rubbed his fingers on his palm, a habit that was increasing nowadays. "Okay, okay. You can just cash it in as a favor at a later point, okay?"

Ganondorf resisted the urge to grin. "Of course, Master Hand." He said coolly, thinking of all the possibilities.

Then, a few hours later, he had it. Oh Farore, this was going to be great.
===

Several hours later, a reluctant Master Hand and an enthusiastic Crazy Hand were setting up the mechanisms necessary for the plan. The Dining Hall was cleared, except for Ganondorf who was looking over his plans intently, seated at his usual table. Muttering to himself, he occasionally stole a glance at how things were going.

"We're almost done," Master Hand grunted, finally getting the damn piece onto the hook while his insane brother nailed random pieces of wood together (it looked oddly similar to a top-heavy, muscular Dedede). "How are you holding up?"

"Fine, fine. Just need to put that there, and..." Ganon went back to muttering, absorbed in his ingenious idea. Master Hand sighed as Crazy accidentally nailed a fire hydrant onto his sculpture (don't ask how. Even Master Hand wasn't sure— there weren't even any fire hydrants in the Mansion).

Some more hours later, they were finally done. The Dining Hall looked just as it had before, thanks to an illusion of the Hands'. Every mechanism was hidden. Even Sheik couldn't see through the powerful mirage (her Sheikah magic was a bit tricky sometimes).

Ganondorf grinned evilly as unknowing victims started to file in. Oh, this would be fun.

Master and Crazy had disappeared, taking the scraps of Crazy's statue with them (he had destroyed it about two hours ago, when he got bored halfway through). Now all that was left was Ganon's inconspicuous shielding charm.
===

That night, many screams ran through out the Hall as poor fighters were covered in tar and feathers and ink (the Inklings had panicked, shooting colors everywhere) and every gross thing you could think of. Poor Shulk got a dirty gym sock in his gaping mouth in his shock.

Everyone except for Ganondorf, who was currently hiding in his room (away from the angry and confused mob of fighters), laughing up a storm. Oh, how he did love a good, slightly-harmful and unsanitary prank.

(Zelda almost hung him the next day, though.)

edited october 11 2019