"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Peter asked, biting his lip and looking down towards the floor.
"AWWW!" Wade cried. Peter's head snapped up, and Wade grabbed his cheeks.
"You're so cute when you're feeling guilty!" Wade let go of Peter's cheeks and started skipping towards the desk where the bottles of Asgardian Olive Oil were placed (courtesy of Loki).
They were in the meeting place of the tower, a room near the helicopter pad, allocated for when the emergency alarm went off.
"Wade, don't you think this is a bit-"
"Can you imagine how painful gay sex would have been before they invented lube?" Wade interrupted, opening the cap off the first bottle and sniffing it.
"What?" Peter said, folding his arms.
"Well," Wade continued, half ignoring Peter. "Historians believe-"
"Since when did you listen to historians?"
"- that the Greeks were like 'hmmm, what are we going to do about this?' So then another Greek was like 'OLIVES'!" Wade began pouring the Asgardian Oil over the floor near the door.
Peter balked. "Wait, so you're saying-"
"They used olive oil as lube," Wade said, grinning maliciously at Peter.
Peter looked horrified at Wade. "I will never look at Olive Oil the same way again."
"You're welcome!" Wade sang.
Loki entered room as Peter started gagging.
"What happened here?" Loki said, looking between Wade and Peter.
YOU ARE READING
Home is where the (heart) Avengers Are
FanfictionPeter's class goes on a field trip to Stark Tower. Featuring ovens on fire, arrows sticking out of butts, a whipped Wade Wilson, an angry Tony Stark, Thor in a dress, and a family that really shouldn't work, but it does (because how could it not?).
